To Do Today

So, in addition to working 8 hours that need to be super-productive at my job today (Thursday, but I think it has turned Friday by the time I am posting this), I need to make a couple of wedding calls, bake cookies and deliver them to our new next door neighbors, and fit in a workout. Tonight and/or tomorrow night after another 8 hour workday I also need to clean up our main level and put up the decorations for a luau-themed poker night, figure out how to set up a wedding aisle runner that is in the package on a roll (does it need to be measured and cut, how to finish the edges (?), and I don't even know what dimensions I'll need- she didn't tell me I was doing this part!) Plus for the end of aisle reserved bows, all she handed me was a roll of ribbon, so I need to look up how to tie them. Also need to check the progress of the flower crystals soaking in water and decide if I need to prepare more of them, buy and wrap a kid's birthday gift for Saturday, and start major laundry because everything I need to wear this weekend is dirty. And I need to try to clean out the lint trap with a vacuum hose because our dryer doesn't seem to be working right. And write up the wedding schedule and my to do list for the setup part. Such is my life this week, aack!@@%#@!!!!!

PLUS I need to pick up my Dad's van Friday night, and fill out the registration forms that are already due for the kid's coming school year. And mail a check we owe for playoff tickets.


Later footnote upon posting: had moderate productivity (could have been better), soaked the flower crystals which took up the water nicely and look great, didn't make the calls yet, didn't bake the cookies yet (not clear if they were home until too late), and didn't work out. Did buy the birthday present, put up a few luau decorations, and participated in a joint effort to diagnose and fix the dryer. Results are pending with partially started laundry. I'm exhausted, but as has been my way this week I am still staying up late to "escape" on the computer...


So, be honest, with posts like this, is this just too much totally boring personal information, or what? I know this blog started as a weight loss journey, and after about 10 months I haven't travelled very far in that regard, but babbling to a real source is somehow therapeutic for me. I try to include the aspects of weight loss progress or not with such postings. Apologies if it is not particularly intriguing for you! As much as I'd like to, I can't talk about spinning around a pole and writhing on the floor every day. ;)

One Week Seems Like Half a Lifetime.

It has been one week since my last post, and I feel like a lifetime has gone by in that time! So much going on... Last I wrote, I had gotten my hair cut (loving it more than ever) and had our Level 2 Graduation at DivaFit. Then that Thursday I worked my ass off at work in preparation for being away for the weekend.

Enter bliss.

We left at the crack of dawn on Friday morning to get to the beach by early lunchtime, and I had the most wonderful, refreshing, relaxing, warm, sunny weekend. It was way better than the usual Memorial Day visits, truly beach weather, but with a pleasant breeze. Enjoyed the company of my family, enjoyed activities with the boy, played golf after a year long hiatus and didn't suck as horribly as I expected (still pretty bad though!) Got some working out in, got some drinking wine in, got some shopping in. To top it off, it was raining when we left Tuesday morning to ease the departure blues. All in all pretty sweet!

On the workout front, my most notable one was a 2.3 mile powerwalk in 34 minutes (good pace), followed by the 2.3 mile return trip jogged without stopping in 28 minutes. That is a pretty damn slow jog, but I was still very happy with it and it gave me energy for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, I decided to ignore the whole diet situation for the weekend and pretty much eat whatever I wanted, which resulted in a backslide in progress. I'll leave it at that.

Then returned to a bit of a hectic house and a very hectic schedule- the next two weekends contain my remaining two client weddings, work is back to relatively busy, and next weekend we have a couple of social things to weave into the rehearsal and wedding schedule.

My haven? DivaFit class again tonight. I still can't get over sometimes how much I look forward to those classes, and what a good workout they are. Level 3 promises to be a lot harder on the abs and shoulder strength work because she says she is "preparing us for Level 4", which is where climbing the pole and inverts come into play. This session's routine is done to two different songs, both of which I love. "Buttons" by Pussycat Dolls is the learning pace, as she put it, very fun and sassy song I've always liked. But to speed it up a bit you can do the same routine to "Dr. Feelgood" by Motley Crue. She made us change places in the room from where we normally are, cranked up the disco ball, and we rocked it out. And I bought a pair of black patent leather platform heeled boots. I can't stop smiling about that class, I swear!



A footnote in closing- a dear friend is having a hard time lately with some pretty unpleasant health issues, and I hope she is able to feel better and get some answers soon.

Random Pre-Vacation Wednesday Thoughts

I love my haircut. It is waaaaay shorter than it was, especially in the back. I guess you could describe it as the "Victoria Beckham" -ish look, a short bob that is even shorter in the back (up to my hairline) and curves down slightly longer in the front down to my chin. Nice brightening it up with highlights, too. Sweet husband, after going to the gym and getting back, decided he liked it after all, he had just been a little shocked initially (I had lazily let it grow a little longer than shoulder length.) Naturally, I couldn't style it this morning quite as well as my new chick did, but hopefully I'll get better at it, and it still looks good. No more hiding in a pony tail for a while, because there isn't any hair left to make one! My son even said "Mommy, you cut your pony tail off!" The stylist said it's going to need cutting more often than I'm used to, also, but it'll be worth it to be forced to look half decent all of the time! Also, I pulled the "use 10 times more shampoo than you need for what little hair you have left" move this morning in the shower, and wasted a giant glob of it. Pretty funny.

Hm, guess that was only one random thought...

On the weight/food/exercise front, my eating today has ramped back down to average, not eating amazingly, but not eating so terribly, either. Tonight's workout is the Level 2 class "graduation" at DivaFit, our song to perform to is "Bright Lights" by Matchbox 20. Tough routine, so thank goodness we do it in a bunch, half the class at a time. Definitely a couple of moves I can't really do very well, but I'm hoping to pull it off to at least look good! :)

Footnote- it went great, I had a blast, and we were issued pink thongs. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

The Early Way is the Only Way- So How Can I Find my Way?

I have come to the conclusion that the single, most important way for me to fit in enough workouts to improve my fitness, shape my body, and reach my goals is going to be by WAKING UP EARLY to do them. I need to be in the shower by 6:00, and wake up the boy at 6:30, and be done getting ready and have us ready to roll out the door at 7:00 sharp, in order to be on time to work/school. This is absolutely an epic struggle for me on a daily basis. But, here's the thing- for the first couple of years or more, the boy used to wake up a lot earlier than he does now. It used to feel early, but it was perfectly doable when you were used to it. (It pains me terribly that he is now inclined to sleep later but schedule necessitates keeping it earlier!) In addition, prior to existence of the boy, I went through a long phase of working out early before work. Ok, it was here and there, and it was a big struggle, but I did it fairly often. And I took an early boot camp class once and I hated getting up but I did it.

I firmly believe from past experience that weight loss is a daily challenge and decision to be made, and I think the way to best ensure that each day starts out in a weight loss frame of mind ready to make the right decisions is by doing a strenuous workout FIRST. (I know, broken record alert!) Working out first means that the time is carved out before other things can get in the way, it gives you energy for the rest of the day, it revs up your metabolism for a good portion of the day, and it lets you work out while your body and mind are still fresh, before the rest of your day beats you down. HAHAHA, I say, my mind and body are beat-ass tired that early in the morning to begin with! But wait- they wouldn't be if I was getting more sleep, now would they?! I think another important thing it would help with is my propensity to stay up unreasonably late, because I will be too damn tired to do so if I had been up since 5:00 am. If you read anything about weight loss it always says you can't do it if you don't get enough sleep. I can personally attest that I use food, particularly sugary food, as a crutch when I'm tired. Maybe if I used caffeine instead and drank myself energetic on diet coke or something (not coffee 'cause I'm one of those teeny percent of the population that thinks coffee tastes vile) I'd have less of a problem. But unfortunately (or fortunately, from a health perspective) I hate caffeine. Hate it, hate it, hate it. I'm pretty sure I took it a little too far in college (I lived and died by Mountain Dew), burned out on it completely, and now I feel like even a teeny tiny bit of it makes me jittery and anxious, so I've been off it for like 15 years now.

Anyway, I think it's the only way. The question remains, when to suck it up and start?

I'm Feeling Super Crabby Today.

My new sandals are too tight to the point I had to take them off (at work), and I hate returning stuff.

My son was home sick yesterday and is still crabby as heck today.

My husband is not feeling well and is also crabby as heck.

I didn't get as much done as I wanted to on my work at home day yesterday (either for work OR around the house!)

My pre and during cycle munchies haven't let up post-cycle like they usually do. I'm alternating between eating things I shouldn't and being crabby I did, and trying not to and being crabby I'm not.

A pair of cute new pants I'm wearing are cut a little too low. They seemingly fit, but I'm looking a little muffin topish, which sucks.

Another cute new shirt I got looked stylish in the store, but looks decidedly maternity shaped on me when I put it on at home.

I would be excited that I'm getting my long overdue hair cut and highlighted today, in time for upcoming events, but it's making my husband crabby that my schedule is so jam packed lately. I guess I don't blame him.

I hate that my feelings can be so roller coasterey from day-to-day. I had a really nice weekend, but I'm crabby already by Tuesday. :(


Footnote: I apologized for being so busy, and dear husband apologized for being so crabby. He's very sweet, and that part is all good. I feel a little bit better, anyway. Hopefully a smiling little boy face at the end of the day will make it go up even a little bit more! I could really stand to jam some dance music into my headphones while I plow through my work, but alas I forgot both the music and the 'phones at home...

Footnote 2: Sweet boy face after work was nice.

Footnote 3: I love my haircut and am going to stick with the new stylist. Closer still to home than where I was, and much cheaper.

Footnote 4: Husband not sure about haircut. Small boy was a miserable beast at bedtime...

Pole Position

I finally got to use my pole to practice dancing tonight, and I love it!! Yes, I bought it three weeks ago, and yes, it was hideously expensive, and really only justifiable if it is going to do me some good. But, as you probably know, I've still been struggling to find some balance in my life lately and have been wading through a fairly full schedule and a cluttered, tired mind, so I hadn't gotten any use out of it just yet. Well, tonight I busted it out and really busted a move! I needed the practice because we have to do our "graduation" routine on Wednesday and I've been sucking at it. I've now got two CDs full of perfect music, including the songs for the couple of routines we have learned/are learning. The current Level 2 routine is to "Bright Lights" by Matchbox 20. It was awesomely fun, a great one hour workout, and definitely even more "freeing" than dancing in the group class, since no one else was watching. ;)

Friday Ramblings...

Today, I fell asleep in a training session. It was totally boring, and not even mandatory, but somehow I found out about it through my boss and felt vaguely obligated to go to it. Not sure how many people noticed me sleeping, but someone two seats over told me "nap time is over" in a curt sort of way to wake me up toward the end. It was pretty embarrassing. I frequently have that problem, though, for so many different reasons- dark room, warm room, too full, too hungry, boring material, not enough sleep, endless other things. What can I say, I get tired, especially by the end of the week. Not the end of the world, but not cool, either.

I'm looking forward to a nice weekend. Hoping the weather holds, I plan to be outside for a few of our planned activities. Probably the one I'm most excited about is picking strawberries. I've picked blueberries and blackberries before, and peaches, and apples, but not these. I must also do some research on healthy recipes to make with them that do not include pie. (Dude, my masterpiece is a triple berry pie, but we won't even go there...) I also need to find something to do with goat cheese that I bought at the farmers market (and find out how long it is good for, because it's been a couple weeks and there's not a written expiration date.)

I don't really feel like I've got a whole lot to say today, actually. My run last night made me feel extremely good, and it makes me want to work out all the more. I've picked up a couple of new clothes this week, so I've been feeling vaguely decent about how I'm looking, and finding something to wear each morning isn't quite as difficult. I'm comfortably in size 14 pants now, which is nice. (At my highest weight some of my 16s were getting tight, so it's some moderate progress, anyway.) I have a number of 10s in my closet from back in the day, and I think my body type and frame would support me ultimately fitting into an 8, so I don't think that's an unreasonable thing to be shooting for, but I also have a lot of 12s awaiting the next notch in progress.

A few people here and there that I know have been letting me know that they read this blog, and each time someone tells me, it seems they almost have a sheepish look or sound when they say it, like they are concerned they are spying on me or something. Hello, it's a public blog, that's the whole point! For the record, I really do appreciate knowing that there are people out there reading, whether you know me or not, and comments are warmly welcomed. It helps to write knowing it is to an actual audience, and although it may seem strange to air publicly such personal thoughts about my life and the inner workings of my mind as it relates to weight loss goals and other things, it seemed like a great way to hold myself accountable, a forum to talk and organize my thoughts openly, and I very much appreciate the support (or constructive advice, as the case may be.) To Kate, you are exceptionally kind, and your comment made my day. :)

My Week

Since Sunday of Mother's Day, I do feel like I've been doing better. On Monday I didn't get in a formal workout, but I did so many loads of laundry and tidied up and carried so many things up and down the stairs between our three levels that by the end of the evening I felt like I had worked out, in my back, my arms, and my legs (two birds with one stone!) Tuesday afternoon I took a fantastic long brisk walk up hills with my husband and our son in the stroller, and enjoyed the beautiful outdoors together. (Again, two birds with one stone- family relaxing/bonding and a workout.) We ended with healthy food from Subway for dinner.

Last night was my usual Wednesday night pole dance class, and it was a tough one! Last week she gave us a break and taught us a chair routine, which is fun but not nearly as taxing. Last night all of a sudden she wants us to start doing a lot of the spins we've learned with one arm instead of two. (Half these spins I am barely hanging on with two arms!!) Tonight we're planning another family walk, if it doesn't rain again here in lovely "East Coast Seattle" (I'm pondering ark designs at this point.) Tomorrow night I am going to use my new home pole to practice the routine for our Level 2 "graduation". (Thank goodness that doesn't really mean anything, or I'd be cooked!) So, although I am still hoping to do better to incorporate more exercise such as weightlifting and starting the swim portion of my tri training, I'm doing alright with keeping moving most days.

On the food front, I will say I'm doing better MOST days. Except for yesterday, when I went on a completely bingy eating bender, but I'm mostly back on track today, hopefully unscathed. I just went to the store and stocked up on stuff to keep here at work for healthy snacks, backup lunch options if I don't manage to pack any, and even some breakfast foods for those days I'm REALLY struggling to get to work on time! I've done that before, but the key is to actually use those supplies, and to keep them stocked, so I'm not tempted to go other less healthy ways in a pinch (which usually happens every single day, it seems.) Home has been well stocked with healthy stuff for a while, and based on how well my husband is doing, that's not been so much of my challenge, although I still do need to curb down the portions and snacking, even if it is on healthy foods, because they still have plenty of calories if you eat enough of them.

Friday night when I'm home and not busy, after the boy goes to bed, and after I practice my pole routine a bit, I am going to continue with the Bob Harper book and self analysis. I really think he had some good things to say about a thought process to go through to get your head in the right place for taking better care of yourself, and that weight loss can follow much more easily. Considering I've been trying to get my head in the right place since last August, it's worth a shot! Also, I think I can manage a quasi-daily blog entry if I do it the way I'm doing this one- write it early in the day, email it home to myself, and then post it in the evening, with annotations of any other thoughts/updates from the remainder of the day. I can't seem to make time in the morning at home and we're not allowed to blog at work, but by the time I get home I've often not felt like spending more than a couple of minutes on the computer. So, not enough time for a full written analysis, but it should be perfect for throwing in an already written post with an additional note or two!

Lastly, I'm a sad for my Caps. They got beaten by a slightly better team, but they played the series with so much heart and fight, it was a big, fat, undeserved bummer to have such a good season end on such a sucky blowout note. I was thrilled to see the fans cheering their heads off at the end anyway, though, 'cause those guys deserved it. Seeing that place bathed in a solid swath of red for so much of the regular season, and even moreso during the playoffs was awesome. Bandwagoners or not, I'm so pleased we finally have some budding hockey fans in this town!!! :)

(Added later-) So tonight it didn't rain (when it mattered), and instead of family walk, we got it together late so it became solo jog for me. Which is less social, but a much tougher workout. My legs felt like lead, but I pushed myself to jog without stopping, and I went 2.5 miles in 35 minutes. Not bad for brick legs! Finished it off with a healthier dinner than I would have normally chosen (chicken fajitas, minimal cheese/sour cream) at a nearby restaurant. All in all a good day!

From Almost Despair to Some Peace, and a Better Outlook

Last weekend, it had already been raining for a week, but I was so busy both literally and mentally that I was fine with a lazy, inside kind of Sunday. By Tuesday, though, I truly thought I might lose mind and was feeling the despair of the weather that seemed to reflect the feelings within me. Most days it would seem to be clear enough all day to plan a post-work afternoon to tak a walk with the boy, but alas, it would spit in my face by raining just before leaving work, and continuing on and off for the evening. One such evening later in the week I sucked it up and ran anyway (sans boy, who won't tolerate the plastic rain covers for the stroller,) and felt better for it. All in all, I got in most of my planned exercise for the week, and also accomplished the bare minimum I needed to for work, the wedding biz, and the home life, but was still feeling kind of hollow and overwhelmed, and was eating accordingly. I got to the point Friday where, cookie in hand, I thought I really need to quit talking about these weight loss goals both publicly and among friends, because it is REALLY annoying to hear someone pine for something they're not even trying for. I even pondered pulling the plug on this blog because of the seeming ridiculousness of it all!

Enter the sun, Bob Harper, and Mother's Day, not necessarily in that order.

By way of background, I have a gazillion diet books, exercise books, self-help "understand the ways you (and other people) think" type of books, and yet here I sit, unfit, unfixed, and unable to control my impulses to eat destructively. I watch, love, and am always inspired by The Biggest Loser. After watching the penultimate episode of this season on Tuesday, I was left feeling awed of all the finalists have achieved, and yet also disgusted that I let another season of weekly inspiration go by without taking advantage of applying it to myself. (Recall earlier post when it kicked off...) Sometimes when trying to push myself for a good workout, I hear Jillian Michaels' voice in my head, daring me not to go as far or further than I had set my mind. I've always thought she was an amazing (albeit forceful) motivator, and I have several of her books. Yet, those, too, have not kicked me into gear, nor any of the Biggest Loser books. Anyway, in this episode, both trainers (Bob and Jillian) each take turns visiting the home of a father-son pair of finalists, who are also trying to help the younger brother who did not have the benefit of being on the show. First Jillian visited, and worked the kid out herself, talked to him, etc. What struck me, though, was the contrast in his reaction when Bob came to visit him, the tone of the workout (which was no less challenging, and in fact pushed him to the point of throwing up), and the talks they had. He reacted so much differently, and was so motivated by, Bob.

So, the other day I go to the bookstore to pick up Jillian's newest book, which deals with metabolism, and I see Bob Harper's book. I realize I don't have a metabolism problem, I have an I eat too much and don't take good care of myself problem, why would I possibly need yet another of her books that haven't done it for me? So I bought his instead.

Friday night I read the first section on fixing your head, and see what else his program entails, and I am surprised and a teeny bit hopeful that this may actually help me. Saturday was hectic, but Sunday morning I wake up, our mother's day schedule changes and I end up with time to take the boy on a walk jog for myself and him, and come back feeling great. So great that I have energy all day and feel compelled to enjoy nothing but healthy food, even at the restaurant.

I'm almost afraid to write it down because I feel like a RIDICULOUS broken record, but this might make a big difference in heading me down the right road. I enjoyed a day filled with family, fresh air, accomplishment in kicking off the patio garden for the season, ate nothing but wholesome food without craving anything else, and it felt wonderful.

May 4, 2009

Current Weight: 195

Starting Weight: 200

(Highest Weight: 205)

Goal Weight, initial: 150

(Goal Weight, ultimate: 140)

Improvements Made:

I no longer eat chocolate.

I am starting (since yesterday, anyway) to drink more water throughout the day instead of diet soda, and skim milk (for more protein!) with meals.

My eating "slip-ups" end sooner and are less extreme.

I've taken up a new athletic activity, in addition to rekindling old ones.

It bothers me when I'm not getting to the gym often enough.

Some of my biggest "fat" clothes are too big.

I can run.  And I like it.

I have more people than ever being supportive of me.

I am continuing to learn more about the way I think and feel, and ways to improve upon that as it relates to weight loss and life in general.

I have somewhat more energy.

Improvements Needed:

I need to focus on my goals every day and not let myself fall back into old habits and go on autopilot when things get too busy, which is often.

I need to have better dedication to myself.  I make and break new "plans" every day/week.

Workouts need to be more frequent.

I need to WRITE DOWN MY FOOD in my journal.  Period.  I do it for a day or two here and there, but I always stop, and eventually return to eating whatever and however much.  It'll never happen that way.

Reminders of why I want it/when I want it by:

August 9, 2009- Sprint Triathlon.  Would be a major achievement to return to triathlon and actually perform instead of survive as in events past.  Also need to be lighter and more fit to contend with August heat.

October 9-10, 2009- High School Reunion, 20 years.  I would love to actually look even better than I did in high school (I was not slender and fit then, either) and not be self conscious of how I've "let myself go" further after this many years.  It'd be great to socialize without knowing I'm being negatively analyzed.  (I know I am the same way and definitely notice how other people look!)

October 17-21, 2009- VEGAS!!!  I've talked before about how much it would mean to me to look fantastic and be able to dress like it.  Enough said.

October 31, 2009- Halloween!  As much as it is a weird reflection on society that the vast majority of women's Halloween costumes are suggestive in theme and style, I'd love to join in on the fun and wear one, too.

Toward the end of 2009- DivaFit graduation show- requires that I continue to become fit enough in the meantime to even GET to the point of graduating from Level 6, but I would love to learn all of those moves by the end of the year and then strut my stuff!!

Short term re-commitment:

Continue drinking more water.

Continue focusing on increasing protein and decreasing empty starches, increased produce.

Begin documenting Weight Watchers Points again and truly begin and stay on the program.

Take my "theoretical" workout schedule plans and make a real, monthly schedule that I work aggressively to stick to.  Where something has to give, schedule a "make up".

Keep focus in part by using this blog as a sounding board and a reminder on a daily or semi-daily basis (as I've pledged to do before and not carried through on!)

Go, me!

Not Feeling Well- Too Much Pressure? (written April 23)

So, first of all, I'm thrilled to report that I bought a pole last night, so I can practice outside of my weekly class.  It's removable, and I'm going to use it in the garage, so "the kid" doesn't have to know about it.  Many moms in the class have said they have them in their house and leave it up, telling their kids it's a fireman's pole, so they think it's their plaything.  I figure when those kids grow up to a certain point they might figure it out and be a little weirded out by that, so I'm choosing not to go there.  Besides, not every person that ever visits or sees the inside of my house might be as open minded about the subject!

 

Anyway, I was all excited for class once I bought it, and had been looking forward to class all day.  It was going well, but I was feeling a little bit lower energy than usual.  Then toward the end of our routine practice, I started feeling a little oogy, then a little dizzy, then a lot dizzy and even a little nauseous.  I had to stop, leave the room, head to the bathroom, I almost threw up but didn't, then after a few minutes and some water on my face I got a handle on it.  I didn't do the floor work, and I was ok to drive, but still didn't feel quite right even after getting home.  I thought it might be because I was trying to eat healthier and maybe just hadn't eaten enough, but eating didn't seem to help and all I wanted to do was go to bed, so I did.  (And no, I'm not pregnant.  No woman of childbearing age can have a discussion about not feeling well without that immediately coming up, but that definitely isn't it.)

 

Now today I do not feel dizzy anymore per se, but I feel very tired and a little off.  After doing some thinking, and remembering I had felt a little dizzy for a couple of days about a month or so ago, too, not from anything related to the pole, I have a number of theories.  (My husband's reaction was, of course you are dizzy, you were spinning around a pole!  Of course, this did not happen in any of the other 12-13 classes I've taken, and it did not stop once I stopped spinning, so I'm hoping and assuming that isn't a direct cause.)  And the last time it happened I read up about it, and apparently dizziness isn't cause for grave medical concern unless it accompanies various other symptoms that I don't have, or unless it persists longer than a few days, which last time it didn't and hopefully this time it won't either.  My theories on possible reasons are as follows:

 

1) I generally do not get enough sleep.  I have a terrible lack of discipline in this regard.  It often catches up to me, and when it does I can be very physically miserable.  Usually nausea more than anything else.  A distinct possibility.

 

2) I'm not as consistent as I need to be with taking my medicines, which include among other things blood pressure medication.  Now, I've been erratic with it before and not noticed any effects, but it is certainly plausible and a logical symptom of it not being where it should be according to medical books.  No way for my doc to tell unless I monitor it for a while, which I really should (I have a home monitor.)  I think I will, because if I do decide to talk to her about it it will make her very happy to have the needed info to judge the situation, obviously.

 

3) Less likely but also a possibility maybe with exercising and improving now I don't need the same medicine or as much?  Usually that only happens when people really change and lose the weight, so again, not likely.  Again, see above for monitoring, I definitely need to for about a week or so.

 

4) Underlying stresses.  I'm one of those weird people that suffers from stress at indirect times from the actual event or issue.  Under immediate pressure I perform well, but I definitely feel the effects at times of low-grade anxiety from things that are vaguely imminent.  This was the case in the latter part of college for me.  Right now I am starting wedding season, and I have 4 weddings coming up over the next month and a half.  While I don't feel specifically stressed about any one aspect, I feel sort of overwhelmed by the big picture, as I booked all this when I wasn't working full time, and I think it is going to be a bit much to be comfortable. 

 

Anyway, bottom line is I need to try to get more sleep, start monitoring my blood pressure for the next week or two, and after getting through my spring weddings, perhaps reassess how the business can continue to fit into my full time working schedule.  And yes, I do think some of my goals in my last post are a bit too lofty, I think that if I can do some things better and take better care of myself too, that should suffice.   :)

May 4 follow-up note:

I later figured out that it was probably my allergies bothering me, perhaps made more noticeable by the stress.  I have a friend who gets very similar allergy symptoms as me, and she was telling me how she kept getting dizzy that same day while out on a walk- I hadn't taken my allergy meds, the pollen count was really high that day, and all the windows were open that night (which is unusual) in the studio.  Anyway, the rest is still applicable, though...