Nope, Didn't Happen.

I didn't workout today.  And that was entirely predictable, 'cause I didn't have a plan, I just figured I'd fit it in somehow.  Parts of the day I thought "maybe I'll do this", "oh, it's not good weather like it was supposed to be, I'll have to choose something indoors", and before you know it, blammo, day over and energy up.  Learn from this.

Long "Run" Saturday

Saturday morning I walked 4 miles.  Still at a very slow pace, but a teeny bit faster per mile than I have been managing of late.  And I did not end up feeling as sore as I have been either during or after.  This is progress!  It was gorgeous out, unseasonably warm, sunny, and crisp.  I even enjoyed some nature along the way of my suburban saunter, in the form of evergreen bushes with zillions of tiny but very pretty bright blue berries, a long line of maple trees that had little tiny palm-sized bird nests in almost every one, a cacophony of bird chirping coming from one particular tree that turned out to have about 10 in it rather than the 50 they sounded like, cattails bursting with fuzz that looked ready to take flight, shriveled up berries and leaf buds on the tree in my yard that is clearly confused by the movement between warm and cold weather lately, a couple of dogs being walked stopping to sniff each other hello, a minefield of goose poop near the pond where they frequently gather (although they were missing today), and a gorgeous black and white cat gazing out of someone's window, looking extremely photogenic but I didn't want to be arrested for being a peeping tom.  Not bad for winter- in other seasons it really gets wonderful, I just love our neighborhood.

Sunday I aim to fit in another workout of sorts, but that might be dicey.  The husband needs to get some work in, and I don't have a solid idea of what my day will look like.  We'll see.

Oh, and I'm TOYING with training for a half marathon in June.  I know, that probably sounds ludicrous, but I found a couch to half marathon training program that actually sounds plausible, both in terms of my starting fitness point and the progression of the training.  I'm not registering and ponying up the cash for the event just yet, but I am going to spend the next few weeks preparing to start the program, start it at the prescribed date, and if it seems to be going well and the race is not full I'll likely do it.  I've done a lot of races before, and they can be motivating, but I've also signed up for and bailed on some, and I don't want that to happen again.  I want to make sure I am really committed.

Less Terrible

“Less Terrible” is the almost non-existent diet plan I’ve been following lately. It’s pretty poor, but it’s been about all I can muster thus far, for whatever reason. Basically, I’m trying to eat less horribly than I was, giving in less often then I was, and not making the bad foods as easily accessible to myself. Sometimes I’m logging my food into Weight Watchers, and a couple of times I’ve eeked out a brief workout. Sounds spectacular, doesn’t it? Ha. I’m sure this won’t be the case for long, but I’ve actually made the teensiest bit of progress, believe it or not. Sure it’s probably just water lost by keeping up better with my daily medicines and no longer being on my period, but I’ll take it.

I’ve never been good at the “some” method, which everyone swears by in the long run. All or nothing has been my m.o., and nothing ALWAYS has won. I truly have no delusions that the less terrible plan will be effective for long, but eeking out a smidge of progress makes me want to try the slightest bit harder to eek out a teeny bit more. With any luck, I will build on tiny successes until they’re not as tiny. This is new to me, and mentally quite difficult. But this time, it’s all I’ve got.

Pink Called It

I am having myself a craptacular morning. Want to hear about it? I hope so, 'cause I feel like whining about it. Here's the recipe:

Step 1, mess up the one thing that your easily stressed out kid stresses out the most about by forgetting to finish the laundry, and start the day with him having stressey tantrums while the needed pants are in the dryer.
Step 2, get feedback from your boss, to whom you are trying to appear worthy of promotion to an available management position, that you didn't get the issue right on a zoning determination letter you drafted.
Step 3, have the requestor of that letter that you didn't get right invite you and your boss to a meeting to discuss those issues that you told her over the phone prematurely and incorrectly.
Step 4: Be bummed because the one social event I look forward to the most each month is being delayed and everyone sounds really lackluster about it.
Step 5: Have an overload of other work you have to deal with and be low on energy because you ate poorly yesterday and skipped your planned workout.

Stir together, and prepare to belt out the lyrics to Pink's "Blow Me (One Less Kiss). All together now: "I've had a $h*t day!" "I've had a $h*t day!"

Yesterday I had a bunch of more positive stuff to say, including discussing my beloved Biggest Loser 2 night premiere, but I didn't get around to it. I'll try to get back to that later. Thanks for listening.

Two Posts for the Price of One: Weigh In Monday, and Why?!

Weigh-In Monday

I took my “before” pictures yesterday, and I weighed in for my starting weight this morning, and I have debated back and forth about whether to share them with you or not. I’m all about letting it all hang out on this blog, but I’ve come to the conclusion that I just can’t do it (yet.) I will post my weigh-in results each week and apprise of my progress, but I just can’t blurt out the starting number yet, because although I’m comfortable among strangers, I’m mortified to admit it to friends. And I also don’t want to post such horrific pictures to stand alone- I can deal once there’s a work in progress to show alongside. Deal?


Why?!

Why, why, why do the cravings for chocolate and junk food have to be stronger already on THE VERY FIRST DAY you resolve is the start day for doing better? WHY?!!! Is it because I didn’t have the time to go to the store when I had the energy and didn’t have the energy to go to the store when I had the time this weekend? And is it because of that not having gotten to shop for healthy food yet that I didn’t have a filling healthy breakfast to fend off said cravings and now also don’t have much in the way of healthy snack options with me? Why does taking better care of one’s self have to take so much work, and have such difficult repercussions if you don’t do it? Dang that is frustrating! I’m tracking my food, though, even if it is not entirely how I had planned to eat. I cannot afford to fall for the zillionth time into the perpetually recurring nasty cycle of using a slow start, slip up, or other imperfection as an excuse to derail and bail. That was a fun sentence; let’s repeat it again for good measure: I CANNOT afford to fall for the zillionth time into the perpetually recurring nasty cycle of using a slow start, slip up, or other imperfection as an excuse to derail and bail! And I am going to buy groceries on my lunch break, even though it is cold out and I feel tired and lazy. All the groceries I need, not just the bare few minimum things I need for dinner and the boy’s lunches, but truly suck it up and buy the food I need. I made a long list last night. Suck it up.



Oh, and one more bonus thing while I’m at it, and this is just a whiny complaint. Daily life can be such a pain in the ass. I enjoy what I do for a living, but once a week for half a day I am at the mercy of the general public for answering incoming questions. I can say that I have met some interesting people and have been asked some even more interesting (zoning) questions, but it is hectic, annoying, disruptive from other work that needs to get done, and it makes me want to eat. A lot.

First "Long" Saturday "Run"

Ouch.  Slow, painful, and shorter than planned.  That about sums up my first Saturday morning "long run".  You know, as in any training program, you typically have one long run scheduled a week, and mine is generally going to be on Saturday mornings.  And boy is it going to be a long while before it is either a run, or anywhere close  to long, but I've gotta start somewhere!  I just wish it didn't hurt so much, my ankles are incredibly sore and tight.  But at least my back didn't join the party like it did on my short painful lunchtime walk this week with my turbo-charged boss.  Anyhoo, I planned a long workout, and banged out the best one I could muster.  3 miles, 52 minutes.  Ugh, but it is still good enough and a solid calorie burn!

Hellooooooo, 2013.

Welcome. So nice to see you! FYI, I wasn’t particularly impressed with your predecessor, 2012. Don’t get me wrong, nothing BAD happened in my life (frantically knocking on wood!) My family and friends and health are all intact, my job and finances have remained stable, I didn’t have to deal with any major life changes in the past year, and all is generally well. We even took a spectacular, not-many-times-in-a-lifetime vacation to Hawaii in the spring, which was outstanding! But other than that, over the past year, the day-to-day was moderately blah. Just plodding along, trying to manage obligations, getting overloaded, overstressed, and overtired easily, working to get through the next day/thing/deadline, and as a result? My personal care, weight, and fitness have continued to stink it up more than ever. I keep reaching all-time weight highs, only to later reach another new one. It’s madness! Sheer, psychotic, horrendous madness. Simple, daily things like climbing stairs, carrying things, bending over, etc. have gotten progressively more uncomfortable as my waistline expands. I keep buying bigger, more “camoflagey” clothes, and it’s not working, I truly look heavy now. I avoid being in pictures as much as possible. I am always tired, except when I first wake up, IF I got enough sleep, which I rarely have the discipline to do. As a result of being tired and stressed a lot I am also cranky a lot, which is not good for me or the family. In a nutshell, I am in overweight hell, and it feeds on itself at an alarming rate. Being unfit and overweight makes one tired and lazy (and cranky), and being tired and lazy makes one progressively less fit (and cranky). Looking and feeling terrible makes one eat excessively, and eating excessively makes one look and feel terrible (and cranky!)



2013, please be as different as I intend you to be, I have to break this cycle for my own sanity. Brain, please cooperate as I reshape your way of thinking about food, and as I try to trick you into progressively increasing motivation for moving more. Success, please be generous. Failure, please be gentle and fleeting. Let’s do this.