So, I had a positive start to a healthier life over the last few days, and I will talk about that first. Then I need to bitch about some things that piss me off because I'm feeling cranky this morning. But I'll try to end on a positive note for my own good after that!
First, the good. I have gone through a zillion proposed "start" dates for achieving a more healthy lifestyle, and most of them come and go with only a few hours of success, at best. That's sad, but clearly I have a lot going on inside that causes me to be so strongly addicted to unhealthy bad food. I think I've said it before, but I clearly medicate myself with food to try to distract myself from other things. And the compulsion to do so can be extremely intense, leaving me feeling like it's not even an option or within my control. And sometimes I don't even notice that I'm mindlessly eating, or if I do am not always enjoying it. On rare occasion, when I have had success with doing better, it was like a switch had been turned on and I was able to do it almost easily, without any explanation of what might have tripped the switch. And then, eventually, the switch got turned back off. So, here's the thing- this time, maybe through all the prep and build up, as well as the public exposure of my plans, I think I must have forced the switch on. It's like the stroller I just got on Freecycle to replace the one I ran over and broke (yes, an embarrassing long story)- unlike many mechanisms that work well with a more gentle touch, this one only opens if you really put sudden pressure on it and jam it open. I think I may have succeeded in jamming on the elusive switch this time, and I am going to put on goalie pads and pick up a large stick to beat away any negative influences that may try to shut it back off before I get to my goals!
Monday and Tuesday I got plenty of exercise with long walks pushing the stroller (and had played a hard hockey game Sunday night too,) and I was easily able to eat within and even under my Points limit. I already started feeling better both physically and about myself, and I started to shed the first couple pounds of water weight already. Yesterday, Day 3, was a lot tougher with it being a work day. Sitting on my ass at a desk apparently makes me want to eat more! And it's also a lot tougher to fit in workouts on those days. I had planned another walk in the afternoon, but it got overcast and my newly exercised body asked for a break, so I caved. This combined with the extra snacks (albeit healthy) caused my healthy dinner to send me well over on the points, BUT- I did not throw in the towel! That is usually my classic mistake, normally once I "fail" it is a free pass to do whatever I want, but I only had a diet hot chocolate for dessert and called it a night. So, almost half a week down, and the switch is still safe. Considering it supposedly takes 21 days to form new habits, 3 days down, 18 to go!
Now, last night I fell asleep VERY early and slept hard, but still woke up feeling tired and cranky. That is is large part I suspect to hormonal issues commonly occurring the week prior to my period. I know, TMI if any guys are reading, sorry. But it is legit, and some months it's no big deal, but others can really bring me down a notch in energy. So, this morning I get up to a 3 year old already being a total pill (earlier than usual for him!) and a house that is back to looking like a bomb went off in it after focusing on me a little bit for a mere 3 days, and having relaxed for one evening. That makes me mad, and it's no WONDER so many moms end up fat and tired after they have kids! Everything and everyone else usually needs to come first. I am starting to believe that the moms who are slender, energetic, and seem to have their act completely together should be smacked (no offense to any of my friends who may fit this description.) I'm also pissed that the job I'm supposedly being fast-tracked for is still hanging. I was told yesterday that it would be another week at the soonest. So much for the interview just being a formality! And how ironic that I'm so desperate to get a job that will force me back to full time, will be a downgrade, is not what I've ever wanted to do, and will only marginally improve my status on the budget cuts list!
Ok, enough whining, I think I feel better. The good thing is, now that a couple of hours have gone by the feelings of waking up on the wrong side of the bed this morning are subsiding, and I need to get back to work. I am still feeling in control, and I'll have the next two days to get organized (again) and clean up the house (again) and do more laundry (constant) to be ready to get us all packed up. This weekend we are headed to the beach with my aunt and uncle for a wine festival, and as long as I can keep my eating in check and exercise a LOT like I don't mind doing at the beach, it'll be a great time and I'll continue to make progress!
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
A Day of Success. I'm Cautiously Optimistic!
Ok, so I was afraid to even write about a successful first day until I actually went to bed and woke up again first, but I made it. (I had nightmare visions of writing about a successful day and then finding myself up to my elbow in a bag of something before having made it to bed!) The first day was great, and weirdly enough, I felt very energetic about it. What a relief! Got in a good walking workout, ate under the Weight Watchers points limit, and even got a lot done around during naptime instead of being lazy myself. Sunday night's late hockey game didn't even enter the picture, but I am definitely feeling it today. I slept long and like a rock, and I am still tired! That will require some caution, because I tend to grab the junk food when I am either stressed or tired, but one solid day is a huge start in the right direction. :) Go, me!
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Ready to Make a Real Change
So, this time, I think am ready to truly focus on me, and ready to do this thing and get healthy. This morning I clocked in at 202, now 52 pounds away from my goal instead of the 50 when I first started writing about it! Today I will prepare by making sure the tempting foods are away, planning an aggressive workout schedule, and reminding myself of all the good reasons to stick with it this time. Tomorrow is the day I really will start down a healthier road. I'm not "dieting" per se (so I am telling myself), just aggressively improving my lifestyle and health. I will track what I eat through the Weight Watchers points system, and I will not give up every time I slip up as in times past. Cumulative successes are enough to make a difference. Major changes in routine take 21 days to become something of a habit, so perhaps by Halloween I will have a reliable program in working order and already be seeing success. Wish me luck!
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Some Deadlines I Want to be Slim for:
This is a motivational list to supplement the 50 good reasons posted last Friday. These are particular events I feel strongly about being at a healthy, slim weight in time for! They are:
(listed chronologically)
-Sprint Distance Triathlon(s) Summer 2009- For my 30th birthday in March 2001 I went a little nutty considering I was only in mediocre shape and I ran (well, walked a lot) A 10K race in DC, having never done anything like that before. Since then, I have previously dabbled in triathlons, while still remaining mostly out-of-shape, and not at all since having the kid. I finished the two events I actually showed up for (one Sprint, one Olympic,) but pretty much last place. (I was EXACTLY last in the Reston Olympic distance, what a hoot! They were closing the course behind me.) Unfortunately, for those two I did, I've probably registered and paid for 5 or 6 others that I've not gotten ready for and didn't show up for. They're expensive, too, that's a lotta cash. My goal is to get back into shape to really enjoy and do well in triathlons again. There are a number of local Sprint Distance options to consider, particularly looking for Reston.
***-20 Year High School Reunion October 2009 (oh my GOD, isn't that something old people go to?!?!) I might actually have more people to talk to than I did at the 10-year, 'cause a big contingent of my class have been signing up on and communicating through Facebook. Funny that we're all having a little burst of yearning for our youth at the same time. :)
-Halloween 2009- Now that I have successfully revived my "family" interest in Halloween by planning a party this year, I expect to have another costume party next year, and I'd like to wear one of the more suggestive looking costumes (which is all you see that's any good in the stores, anyway.) I'd like us to do the doctor with slutty nurse combo, and/or I've also always wanted to do a dominatrix outfit. Hehehe...
-10 year Wedding Anniversary and Beach re-wedding ceremony, Spring 2010. Yes, I am now a wedding planner, I adore weddings AND the beach, and now my parents have a house fronting on the beach. Good excuse to plan another wedding, just the way I would have liked it if I didn't already like the way we did it before. :) And want to be able to look awesome in a lightweight little sundress!
**-A Vegas second honeymoon- after the wedding at the latest, or possibly sooner depending on finances. I do NOT want to go back to Vegas until I can wear the cute, tiny clothes that I've always wanted to wear, there (that would only be appropriate there!)
-Triathlon season summer 2010- I want to do a couple of Olympic Distance races this year, assuming I've done at least one Sprint the previous year. Reston for sure, in September, and hopefully one other one. There were some newer options I read about this year, plenty of time to research once I really am working out and getting into shape.
****-My 40th Birthday, March 2, 2011! (Ok, that's a very long way off, but seriously, the ONLY way I can handle that without a complete psychological meltdown is to be feeling really good about my hot self by then!) The good thing is I have PLENTY of time for that one, but yet it looms for me mentally, already, only because I feel like such an overwhelmed tired out-of-shape mess now...
So, there you have it, in print, seven different timed goals for losing weight and being healthy. Put those together with my previously listed 50 good reasons to lose 50 (now 51) pounds, and that sounds like a recipe for motivation. I know I have had a LOT of "start dates" that haven't lasted more than a day (or a few hours), but the latest is going to be Monday, October 6. I'm trying to do the prep in advance, like getting used to writing down food points again (have been sporadically and have my notebook ready) and getting myself to the gym (planning to do so this weekend with the whole family, if not sooner too.) I also have a plan for working out at lunchtime sometimes if/when I return to work full time. Must come up with a full now as-is and later full-time plan incorporating all avenues: walks, gym, home tapes, Mommy Boot Camp, Rec. Center, etc. It's going to be pretty ambitious, but I think that's the only way for me to make a big change. I've been trying to sneak up on it the "Kaizen" method of a little bit at a time, but I'm not being able to partially eat much better, I'm kind of all or nothing when it comes to food.
The last thing I have to decide is whether or not to expose myself to more outside involvement/encouragement. I started this blog partly to be able to sound off about my feelings as I roll through life, but also as a means of documenting and sharing my weight loss experience. I posted the link to my Facebook profile, but I didn't announce it or anything, so it's probably not much known, I only know of one person who has looked at it. The question is, can I benefit from the scrutiny of throwing it more public, or is that TMI about me for most people, especially if I still fear repeated failure? I guess I don't have to decide today.
(listed chronologically)
-Sprint Distance Triathlon(s) Summer 2009- For my 30th birthday in March 2001 I went a little nutty considering I was only in mediocre shape and I ran (well, walked a lot) A 10K race in DC, having never done anything like that before. Since then, I have previously dabbled in triathlons, while still remaining mostly out-of-shape, and not at all since having the kid. I finished the two events I actually showed up for (one Sprint, one Olympic,) but pretty much last place. (I was EXACTLY last in the Reston Olympic distance, what a hoot! They were closing the course behind me.) Unfortunately, for those two I did, I've probably registered and paid for 5 or 6 others that I've not gotten ready for and didn't show up for. They're expensive, too, that's a lotta cash. My goal is to get back into shape to really enjoy and do well in triathlons again. There are a number of local Sprint Distance options to consider, particularly looking for Reston.
***-20 Year High School Reunion October 2009 (oh my GOD, isn't that something old people go to?!?!) I might actually have more people to talk to than I did at the 10-year, 'cause a big contingent of my class have been signing up on and communicating through Facebook. Funny that we're all having a little burst of yearning for our youth at the same time. :)
-Halloween 2009- Now that I have successfully revived my "family" interest in Halloween by planning a party this year, I expect to have another costume party next year, and I'd like to wear one of the more suggestive looking costumes (which is all you see that's any good in the stores, anyway.) I'd like us to do the doctor with slutty nurse combo, and/or I've also always wanted to do a dominatrix outfit. Hehehe...
-10 year Wedding Anniversary and Beach re-wedding ceremony, Spring 2010. Yes, I am now a wedding planner, I adore weddings AND the beach, and now my parents have a house fronting on the beach. Good excuse to plan another wedding, just the way I would have liked it if I didn't already like the way we did it before. :) And want to be able to look awesome in a lightweight little sundress!
**-A Vegas second honeymoon- after the wedding at the latest, or possibly sooner depending on finances. I do NOT want to go back to Vegas until I can wear the cute, tiny clothes that I've always wanted to wear, there (that would only be appropriate there!)
-Triathlon season summer 2010- I want to do a couple of Olympic Distance races this year, assuming I've done at least one Sprint the previous year. Reston for sure, in September, and hopefully one other one. There were some newer options I read about this year, plenty of time to research once I really am working out and getting into shape.
****-My 40th Birthday, March 2, 2011! (Ok, that's a very long way off, but seriously, the ONLY way I can handle that without a complete psychological meltdown is to be feeling really good about my hot self by then!) The good thing is I have PLENTY of time for that one, but yet it looms for me mentally, already, only because I feel like such an overwhelmed tired out-of-shape mess now...
So, there you have it, in print, seven different timed goals for losing weight and being healthy. Put those together with my previously listed 50 good reasons to lose 50 (now 51) pounds, and that sounds like a recipe for motivation. I know I have had a LOT of "start dates" that haven't lasted more than a day (or a few hours), but the latest is going to be Monday, October 6. I'm trying to do the prep in advance, like getting used to writing down food points again (have been sporadically and have my notebook ready) and getting myself to the gym (planning to do so this weekend with the whole family, if not sooner too.) I also have a plan for working out at lunchtime sometimes if/when I return to work full time. Must come up with a full now as-is and later full-time plan incorporating all avenues: walks, gym, home tapes, Mommy Boot Camp, Rec. Center, etc. It's going to be pretty ambitious, but I think that's the only way for me to make a big change. I've been trying to sneak up on it the "Kaizen" method of a little bit at a time, but I'm not being able to partially eat much better, I'm kind of all or nothing when it comes to food.
The last thing I have to decide is whether or not to expose myself to more outside involvement/encouragement. I started this blog partly to be able to sound off about my feelings as I roll through life, but also as a means of documenting and sharing my weight loss experience. I posted the link to my Facebook profile, but I didn't announce it or anything, so it's probably not much known, I only know of one person who has looked at it. The question is, can I benefit from the scrutiny of throwing it more public, or is that TMI about me for most people, especially if I still fear repeated failure? I guess I don't have to decide today.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
You have GOT to be kidding me!
Commence self-therapy...
Despite having written a burst of well thought out motivational nuggets for myself in my previous post, my resolve to be healthy in what I eat and in getting exercise and taking care of myself lasted all of SIX HOURS!! Are you kidding me?!?!?! Sometimes I feel like I'm not even the one driving my life, but it's completely self-inflicted. You know those stress dreams where you're sitting in the BACK seat, trying to reach the pedals and steering the wheel with the tips of your fingers, and it's not quite working? I'm living it. And yet, I should be getting to the point where things are getting EASIER- my kid is three now, and he's been sleeping well since he was 18 months old. That's a big opportunity NOT to be walking around tired all the time. It's also a perfectly good opportunity to get things done and have my life in relative order while he's sleeping. Now, I'm not downplaying the challenge of the mom-factor (translation: high-energy required all day) combined with the part time job (moderately brain taxing and draining) and trying to manage the household. Plus the not quite so perfect timing of starting a business this year, which can and should be a full time job to be done right. I'm merely pointing out that I can't even seem to let it go at all that. I want to do it ALL, and I am clearly not cut out for it! But, tell me about something fun or interesting going on that I can do or be involved with, and you couldn't keep me away. If there's a white spot on my calendar and it works ok for the kid, you'd better believe I don't want to miss it and will cram it in. So, instead of choosing which parts of my life to prioritize and savor, I'm zooming around "getting through" each thing, and "relaxing" (i.e. totally wasting time and getting behind) when I'm not busy. And staying up late both as a means of fitting things in, and as a means of escapism- you don't have to face the next day UNTIL you go to bed and then wake up, right?
Richard Carlson, the guy who wrote "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff (And It's All Small Stuff)" also wrote a book called "Slowing Down to the Speed of Life." That guy is a genius, by the way. It is about living in and savoring the moments in your life right as you are in them, and slowing down your frenetic mental pace. When I read it a few years ago it had a strong impact on me, that lasted for a while, and it also permanently erased the "road rage" rushing to get there mentality of driving permanently. But in my daily life I seem to have gotten REEEEALLY far away from that in the last few years. Today I had a blast in the morning picking apples with the boy and a friend, but was already thinking forward to the bridal meeting in the afternoon. I just looked at my next week's calendar, and I already feel like there's a lot of stuff to "get through" again. Several doctor/dentist appointments between myself and my son, a crucial job interview, a "tough budget times" status meeting at work that I have to get to on my day off, and another bridal client meeting. It felt like a chocolate crutch week just looking at it! And yet, tomorrow morning I have the whole morning (while most people are at work other than the very lucky full-time stay-at-home-moms I know) to enjoy life with my son, to watch him blossom in his gym class, to take the opportunity to walk there and back for a bit of fresh air and exercise, and to just be. I can't afford to squander those chances since they are dwindling rapidly, assuming I do well in the interview. Gotta change the mindset somehow. If I could just reach those brakes a little better!
Friday, September 26, 2008
50 Reasons why The Time is NOW!!!!!
As I think I have mentioned previously (but still have not done anything about), I need to lose 50 pounds to be at a healthy weight. I am 5'8", and I weigh 200 pounds currently. (!!!!!!) For a decent sized frame such as mine, 150 pounds would be an ideal, healthy weight. That means losing 25% of my body weight!! Do you realize how challenging that is, but how significant the results would be?!?!?!
Here I have listed for myself one very good reason for each of the 50 pounds I need to lose. I want them to go away for good and leave me with a healthy body and life! Hopefully posting them here will let me see what I have to gain by losing, and perhaps I can conjure up some discipline somewhere...
50. Because I didn't recognize myself when I caught a sideways glance in the full-length mirror this morning. After years of up and down amounts of too much weight on me, it still doesn't look like me wrapped up in all that fat.
49. Because I seem to have lost some of the bloat that was pushing me up over my starting weight. I was at 201 this morning down from 204, close enough to my starting point of 200 and easier to try to continue going the same direction.
48. Because I have a closet full of cute and nice clothes that I look at wistfully every time I get dressed, and every time I have to do laundry to have something to wear despite having a full closet. I really looked good in a lot of those clothes, and most of them aren't even as small as my goal weight size. It would so rock to shop for small clothes that looked good on me AND made me look good!
47. Because it feels SOOOO good to be self confident. My naturally shy personality struggles even more when I am self conscious and tugging at my clothes to hide/adjust things.
46. Because I'm out of breath a lot lately with the way I've been eating and not exercising enough.
45. Because stress is much better at eating away at me when my body and mind already don't feel good. Exercise=endorphins=happy and relaxed. Right now I am a tense mess.
44. Because I actually ENJOY getting exercise and fresh air, when I'm not trapped by inertia!
43. Because I am way better at playing hockey when I'm lighter and faster.
42. So my hockey gear will return to fitting the way it's supposed to, instead of leaving big fleshy patched exposed to dangerous slapshots.
41. Because I'm spending 7,000 to fix my teeth, and it would be stupid to have this great smile if I still feel like a heavy mess.
40. Because people are more confident in hiring someone for wedding planning and organization help if they appear to have themselves pulled together really well. I agree that someone who's not looking and feeling their best is not projecting the image of a valuable investment!
39. Because major health problems would be resolved such as high blood pressure and high cholesterol.
38. Because other minor aspects of my looks and health would be improved, such as eczema, acne, allergies symptoms management.
37. Because I will be better able to function in high heat and humidity, which is a solid part of our summer environment here and at the beach.
36. Because it's easier to feel like losing a significant portion of your body weight is possible when "Biggest Loser" is in-season.
35. Because my kid is 3 years old now, and I'm not planning on having any more. All feeble reasons for being overweight related to being a mom and having a baby are long gone.
34. Because each decade of life is a lot harder to lose weight in than the previous. I can't afford to let the rest of my thirties go by without taking advantage of that. It only gets harder.
33. Because it sucked to feel like a cow in a bathing suit all summer at the beach and pool.
32. Because I have a great support network, just waiting to encourage me!
31. Because eating healthy foods is probably better for the environment on a lot of levels.
30. Because it's hard to take good family pictures when we're both unhappy with how we look. Adam will not be sure he even had parents at this age because the pictures are mostly only ever of him and other relatives/friends!
29. Because I have 29 Days to fit into a pair of pants that fit well 10 pounds ago, for a needed part of my Halloween costume. We are too broke for me to be buying new fat clothes.
28. Because in one month I will be quasi-in a wedding and want to look and feel better.
27. Because if I go out with a bunch of girlfriends now, I'm the "fat" friend.
26. Because we're spending the money for a gym to further out workout opportunities.
25. Because eating oversized portions and extra junk food all the time is expensive!
24. Because being preoccupied with my weight is distracting.
23. Because I'd like to continue learning other active sports such as golf, and it seems like my big self is in the way when I try to swing properly.
22. Because I'm lucky enough to have a great life, and it would be stupid to waste it feeling gross and miserable.
21. Because good habits and major life changes take 21 DAYS to stick. That seems like a long time, so might as well get going. 21 Days from today puts me at Thursday, October 16. Since time flies most of the time anyway, can't I just suck it up and be good for that long?
20. Because I'm less than a year away from my 20th High School reunion. Thanks to Facebook, I'm actually getting back in touch with a lot of these people, and it would be a royal suck to be heavy and uncomfortable for something like that. I am too shy not to at least look and feel great!
19. Because I will be a better wife/mother/daughter/friend if I am happier, healthier, more energetic, and as a result have my life in order and my head on straight.
18. Because I can hear Jillian's voice in my head if I try hard enough. How can I fail?
17. Because I'm lucky enough to have a fantastic figure under all the layers. I've got great legs, a generous rack, a good butt, pretty eyes, and nice overall proportions, just waiting to be uncovered. Not everybody does who is healthy and in good shape, and I shouldn't waste the gift/opportunity!
16. Because I always find inspiration in the success of others, but wouldn't it be great to actually use that inspiration to succeed, and go on to motivate someone else?
15. Because it stokes my ego to be noticed. :)
14. Because jogging is cheaper than therapy!
13. Because I am in a vicious cycle of staying up 'til midnight avoiding all the things I don't feel like doing, and then being tired all the time.
12. Because I will sleep better and wake up feeling refreshed. When my body is tired from exercise, I sleep great. When it is drained from being stressed and anxious, lethargic, and filled with unhealthy food, no sleep seems to be enough AND I avoid sleep to do slack things as an escape.
11. To be comfortable TURNING 40 in 18 months. I can only do this gracefully if I feel I am looking and feeling awesome!
10. To be able to celebrate achievements in my life (and re-capture my youth?) when I turn 40 by decorating my body with a tattoo and/or a piercing. No chance I'm doing that unless I look fantastic!
9. To be able to take a trip to Vegas and have some fun dressing a little slutty.
8. To be able to return to great physical challenges such as triathlons. I would like to do multiple races where I actually compete on some level rather than survive!
7. To live a more active life all around.
6. To be able to help motivate my sweetie, who is in the same boat as me. We are too nice to each other and end up being enablers.
5. To be better equipped to handle life's hurdles, physical and emotional.
4. To have more energy to enjoy the time I have with my family and friends, while still being able to DO IT ALL. I want to be one of those people who CAN.
3. To set a good example, provide a healthy environment, and foster good habits for my son to grow up with.
2. To live a long life and to be there for my son throughout his life.
1. Because I am worth it.
Note, it has taken me half the day to complete this list, and I've still been good so far. I hope I can do it!!!
Here I have listed for myself one very good reason for each of the 50 pounds I need to lose. I want them to go away for good and leave me with a healthy body and life! Hopefully posting them here will let me see what I have to gain by losing, and perhaps I can conjure up some discipline somewhere...
50. Because I didn't recognize myself when I caught a sideways glance in the full-length mirror this morning. After years of up and down amounts of too much weight on me, it still doesn't look like me wrapped up in all that fat.
49. Because I seem to have lost some of the bloat that was pushing me up over my starting weight. I was at 201 this morning down from 204, close enough to my starting point of 200 and easier to try to continue going the same direction.
48. Because I have a closet full of cute and nice clothes that I look at wistfully every time I get dressed, and every time I have to do laundry to have something to wear despite having a full closet. I really looked good in a lot of those clothes, and most of them aren't even as small as my goal weight size. It would so rock to shop for small clothes that looked good on me AND made me look good!
47. Because it feels SOOOO good to be self confident. My naturally shy personality struggles even more when I am self conscious and tugging at my clothes to hide/adjust things.
46. Because I'm out of breath a lot lately with the way I've been eating and not exercising enough.
45. Because stress is much better at eating away at me when my body and mind already don't feel good. Exercise=endorphins=happy and relaxed. Right now I am a tense mess.
44. Because I actually ENJOY getting exercise and fresh air, when I'm not trapped by inertia!
43. Because I am way better at playing hockey when I'm lighter and faster.
42. So my hockey gear will return to fitting the way it's supposed to, instead of leaving big fleshy patched exposed to dangerous slapshots.
41. Because I'm spending 7,000 to fix my teeth, and it would be stupid to have this great smile if I still feel like a heavy mess.
40. Because people are more confident in hiring someone for wedding planning and organization help if they appear to have themselves pulled together really well. I agree that someone who's not looking and feeling their best is not projecting the image of a valuable investment!
39. Because major health problems would be resolved such as high blood pressure and high cholesterol.
38. Because other minor aspects of my looks and health would be improved, such as eczema, acne, allergies symptoms management.
37. Because I will be better able to function in high heat and humidity, which is a solid part of our summer environment here and at the beach.
36. Because it's easier to feel like losing a significant portion of your body weight is possible when "Biggest Loser" is in-season.
35. Because my kid is 3 years old now, and I'm not planning on having any more. All feeble reasons for being overweight related to being a mom and having a baby are long gone.
34. Because each decade of life is a lot harder to lose weight in than the previous. I can't afford to let the rest of my thirties go by without taking advantage of that. It only gets harder.
33. Because it sucked to feel like a cow in a bathing suit all summer at the beach and pool.
32. Because I have a great support network, just waiting to encourage me!
31. Because eating healthy foods is probably better for the environment on a lot of levels.
30. Because it's hard to take good family pictures when we're both unhappy with how we look. Adam will not be sure he even had parents at this age because the pictures are mostly only ever of him and other relatives/friends!
29. Because I have 29 Days to fit into a pair of pants that fit well 10 pounds ago, for a needed part of my Halloween costume. We are too broke for me to be buying new fat clothes.
28. Because in one month I will be quasi-in a wedding and want to look and feel better.
27. Because if I go out with a bunch of girlfriends now, I'm the "fat" friend.
26. Because we're spending the money for a gym to further out workout opportunities.
25. Because eating oversized portions and extra junk food all the time is expensive!
24. Because being preoccupied with my weight is distracting.
23. Because I'd like to continue learning other active sports such as golf, and it seems like my big self is in the way when I try to swing properly.
22. Because I'm lucky enough to have a great life, and it would be stupid to waste it feeling gross and miserable.
21. Because good habits and major life changes take 21 DAYS to stick. That seems like a long time, so might as well get going. 21 Days from today puts me at Thursday, October 16. Since time flies most of the time anyway, can't I just suck it up and be good for that long?
20. Because I'm less than a year away from my 20th High School reunion. Thanks to Facebook, I'm actually getting back in touch with a lot of these people, and it would be a royal suck to be heavy and uncomfortable for something like that. I am too shy not to at least look and feel great!
19. Because I will be a better wife/mother/daughter/friend if I am happier, healthier, more energetic, and as a result have my life in order and my head on straight.
18. Because I can hear Jillian's voice in my head if I try hard enough. How can I fail?
17. Because I'm lucky enough to have a fantastic figure under all the layers. I've got great legs, a generous rack, a good butt, pretty eyes, and nice overall proportions, just waiting to be uncovered. Not everybody does who is healthy and in good shape, and I shouldn't waste the gift/opportunity!
16. Because I always find inspiration in the success of others, but wouldn't it be great to actually use that inspiration to succeed, and go on to motivate someone else?
15. Because it stokes my ego to be noticed. :)
14. Because jogging is cheaper than therapy!
13. Because I am in a vicious cycle of staying up 'til midnight avoiding all the things I don't feel like doing, and then being tired all the time.
12. Because I will sleep better and wake up feeling refreshed. When my body is tired from exercise, I sleep great. When it is drained from being stressed and anxious, lethargic, and filled with unhealthy food, no sleep seems to be enough AND I avoid sleep to do slack things as an escape.
11. To be comfortable TURNING 40 in 18 months. I can only do this gracefully if I feel I am looking and feeling awesome!
10. To be able to celebrate achievements in my life (and re-capture my youth?) when I turn 40 by decorating my body with a tattoo and/or a piercing. No chance I'm doing that unless I look fantastic!
9. To be able to take a trip to Vegas and have some fun dressing a little slutty.
8. To be able to return to great physical challenges such as triathlons. I would like to do multiple races where I actually compete on some level rather than survive!
7. To live a more active life all around.
6. To be able to help motivate my sweetie, who is in the same boat as me. We are too nice to each other and end up being enablers.
5. To be better equipped to handle life's hurdles, physical and emotional.
4. To have more energy to enjoy the time I have with my family and friends, while still being able to DO IT ALL. I want to be one of those people who CAN.
3. To set a good example, provide a healthy environment, and foster good habits for my son to grow up with.
2. To live a long life and to be there for my son throughout his life.
1. Because I am worth it.
Note, it has taken me half the day to complete this list, and I've still been good so far. I hope I can do it!!!
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
I Survived September!
Ok, so at this point, since my last post, I have so much on my mind, have done so much, and have so many things to reflect on I don't even know where to begin! The Bridal Showcase was a smashing success, in my humble opinion. The booth looked great (thanks to the helpful design eye of my awesome assistant), I very was pleased with the amount of traffic/exposure, and I had a good time with networking and checking everything out, too. A few weeks later, I am starting to hear from people who talked to me and are interested in my service, and I haven't even begun to follow up with the greater list. I have one family ready to sign a contract and two more meetings this weekend. (But the boy will be there, crossing my fingers for good behavior!!)
I'm still waiting to hear about the status of my application for the full time job, and as sad as I have been at the prospect of returning to work full time, I am ready to embrace it, for a number of reasons. One, we are stone cold broke and the debt is starting to creep up past where we are comfortable. After we got married and erased our pre-wedding debt through the miracle of home equity, it had been a great relief not to have that spectre hanging over our heads, until now. Post-kid with first one and now one and a third incomes, we just haven't been cutting it. I'm SOOO ready to pay that off, build our savings back up to a less dire level, and eventually get back to considering the possibility of eventually moving into a house, once the real estate market (and the rest of the economy) emerges a little bit out of the toilet.
The kid is awesome, and despite some weird habits and the need for some extra language coaching from us, the County has deemed him a totally normal 3 yr. old, so no extra help needed from their perspective. Now, if only to learn the potty (PLEASE!!!) He also got to be spoiled by a recent visit to Thomas the Train, that was a real hoot, and he's definitely getting into the spirit of Halloween. I had him help me pick out a couple of party decorations, and he went for some really creepy images, ones that I was afraid would scare him. I was so pleased!
I'm not quite there yet with finishing up the computer transfer and returning to home organization, but I have made great strides. The computer just needs the drivers for the wireless card to be loaded, the anti-virus software loaded, and then I will be up and running, able to extract my calendar/contact files, among other things. I have in the meantime pieced together a paper calendar, but it is missing the things that my overstuffed mom-brain can not retain from year-to-year, like birthdays. The house is on the brink of tidy, with one last area of paper piles to attack, and then major filing and business paperwork catch-up. But if my cleaning lady does not make time for us this week I am firing her, it is becoming a biohazard and I am still resisting doing it myself!
So, I'm excited in the next few months to turn my focus to more fun, and hopefully more balance with all the other stuff I have going on in my life. Fall is my absolute FAVORITE time of the year, as it contains the best weather, the best sports, and my favorite holidays. I look forward to spending more time with family and friends, and I hope to be able to find the inner strength (or is it peace?) to be able to start taking better care of myself on top of all that. I tend to put myself last, behind all of my other obligations. The 'ole 50 Pounds has now become 55, and I need to place more importance on my health and well being!
I'm still waiting to hear about the status of my application for the full time job, and as sad as I have been at the prospect of returning to work full time, I am ready to embrace it, for a number of reasons. One, we are stone cold broke and the debt is starting to creep up past where we are comfortable. After we got married and erased our pre-wedding debt through the miracle of home equity, it had been a great relief not to have that spectre hanging over our heads, until now. Post-kid with first one and now one and a third incomes, we just haven't been cutting it. I'm SOOO ready to pay that off, build our savings back up to a less dire level, and eventually get back to considering the possibility of eventually moving into a house, once the real estate market (and the rest of the economy) emerges a little bit out of the toilet.
The kid is awesome, and despite some weird habits and the need for some extra language coaching from us, the County has deemed him a totally normal 3 yr. old, so no extra help needed from their perspective. Now, if only to learn the potty (PLEASE!!!) He also got to be spoiled by a recent visit to Thomas the Train, that was a real hoot, and he's definitely getting into the spirit of Halloween. I had him help me pick out a couple of party decorations, and he went for some really creepy images, ones that I was afraid would scare him. I was so pleased!
I'm not quite there yet with finishing up the computer transfer and returning to home organization, but I have made great strides. The computer just needs the drivers for the wireless card to be loaded, the anti-virus software loaded, and then I will be up and running, able to extract my calendar/contact files, among other things. I have in the meantime pieced together a paper calendar, but it is missing the things that my overstuffed mom-brain can not retain from year-to-year, like birthdays. The house is on the brink of tidy, with one last area of paper piles to attack, and then major filing and business paperwork catch-up. But if my cleaning lady does not make time for us this week I am firing her, it is becoming a biohazard and I am still resisting doing it myself!
So, I'm excited in the next few months to turn my focus to more fun, and hopefully more balance with all the other stuff I have going on in my life. Fall is my absolute FAVORITE time of the year, as it contains the best weather, the best sports, and my favorite holidays. I look forward to spending more time with family and friends, and I hope to be able to find the inner strength (or is it peace?) to be able to start taking better care of myself on top of all that. I tend to put myself last, behind all of my other obligations. The 'ole 50 Pounds has now become 55, and I need to place more importance on my health and well being!
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