I got up early to work out today. Yes, on a Saturday. I know, that sounds crazy, considering I wait all week to get to relax on the weekend mornings. But, I'm trying to get a new habit going here, so I figure the more times I try the better. So, put my clothes and iPod and shoes out, set a quieter than usual alarm, and although I hit snooze a few times, I made it up and out! It was even early enough that I had to use the 24 hour side instead of the regular side of the gym.
The burning question is, which will prevail for the remainder of the day- the fatigue of waking up early and exercising, or the energy boost you get from exercising?
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
"It All Starts Here."
That's what it says on the wall of the gym I just joined this week. It's a fantastic gym- I'm really excited about it. Way nicer than any gym I've belonged to in a long time, enough so that I think I will want to go there often enough to make it a habit. I went tonight to break it in. It was a little disheartening to realize how out of shape I am, though. Earlier this year, I was able to run 5 miles, and it took me about an hour. Mind you, I wasn't really in shape for that then, either, but I did it, and I didn't die. Now? I am walking, slowly, and not very far, and feeling super tired from it. Tonight I did a mere 3 miles, in an hour.
Still, it's an accomplishment that I went, and that I joined in the first place. Especially since I was horribly exhausted today at work, and for seemingly no good reason. Slept ok last night, didn't stay up too late. Not the wrong time in my cycle. Too early for fall allergies. Couldn't figure it out, but it was miserable. All things considered, therefore, I'm pleased that I made it to the gym. It all starts here.
Still, it's an accomplishment that I went, and that I joined in the first place. Especially since I was horribly exhausted today at work, and for seemingly no good reason. Slept ok last night, didn't stay up too late. Not the wrong time in my cycle. Too early for fall allergies. Couldn't figure it out, but it was miserable. All things considered, therefore, I'm pleased that I made it to the gym. It all starts here.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
A Spectacular Day
Today is more than just a good day, it is much closer to spectacular. The nasty heat and humidity took off in a torrent after yesterday's violent afternoon storm, and today I feel like I could be in Southern California. Or even Hawaii. It's in the upper 70's headed up to the low 80's, with a cool dry breeze, but it's still plenty sunny enough to feel like full on summer, just confusingly comfortable. I'm sitting outside on my deck, gazing into the woods behind my house, listening to the loud sounds of the summer wildlife. (Are they cicadas that make that most comforting racket?)
Only a week after making some medical adjustments, I already feel 1000% better than I had been of late. Relaxed, healthier, just better in general. I got the results of my lab work and had the remainder of my physical today, and got a clean bill of health. Blood sugar was good (she was a bit worried last time), cholesterol is being controlled by the meds, blood pressure is coming under control with increased meds, normal ekg, etc. Apparently all I need is a Vitamin D supplement.
Tonight I am cooking pork chops with sauteed apples and roasted asparagus. Tomorrow is Friday and the forecast is more of this same weather continuing through the weekend. We have a blessedly unscheduled calendar ahead of us these next few days. Next weekend I am taking the boy for another mini beach visit with my mom and aunt.
Life is good.
Only a week after making some medical adjustments, I already feel 1000% better than I had been of late. Relaxed, healthier, just better in general. I got the results of my lab work and had the remainder of my physical today, and got a clean bill of health. Blood sugar was good (she was a bit worried last time), cholesterol is being controlled by the meds, blood pressure is coming under control with increased meds, normal ekg, etc. Apparently all I need is a Vitamin D supplement.
Tonight I am cooking pork chops with sauteed apples and roasted asparagus. Tomorrow is Friday and the forecast is more of this same weather continuing through the weekend. We have a blessedly unscheduled calendar ahead of us these next few days. Next weekend I am taking the boy for another mini beach visit with my mom and aunt.
Life is good.
Monday, July 11, 2011
It Starts at the Top, and It's Not the Kid's Fault!
It all starts at the top of your body, that is: your brain. Being out of sorts is not CAUSED by outside factors in life, per se, unless you have some sort of severe illness, but it is greatly affected by how you manage and process those factors. For me, this has been my challenge of late. Recently I’ve been letting myself feel like I am victim to circumstances that are beyond my control, and letting it erode my well-being. As such, I have gotten into more of a mental rut than usual lately, but happily I am finally now taking the steps to move out from it. In the bigger picture, this rut has actually been much longer term on some level. At a physical exam recently, I was discussing with my doctor the fact that I wasn’t at a healthy weight, and that I thought that it was (continuing to) affect my health. She looked back through her chart, and to my horror, I was still at almost this high of a weight even before I had my son, as far back as 2003. 2003!! All this time I’ve been blaming getting up to this echelon of weight on motherhood, but the boy wasn’t even born until 2005! Clearly it is time to stop with the blame game. My son will turn 6 in August, and apparently I was perfectly heavy already before that. And isn’t 6 years plenty long enough to adjust to the daily challenges that motherhood has added to my wonderful and happy life? Time has fully run out on that excuse, for sure.
And now that my biggest and best “excuse” has been shot, I am realizing that I have so many others that aren’t even as valid which are cluttering up my path. A healthy state of mind is all about how you see and process the world, your life, and your individual challenges. I’m chock full of other excuses about why things bug me, why my eating gets out of hand, why I’ve gotten back to being further out of shape, and why I can’t seem to manage all of my priorities. And when I sit and list them all out, things like the darkness and cold of winter, the stress and aftermath of moving, the heat and humidity of summer, the challenge of balancing work and home life, not having “time” in my schedule to exercise even though I have plenty of time to lay around and watch TV, being too tired, not having exactly the right gym or equipment available at home, etc.; they do all just start to sound like exactly what they are. Excuses. Lame ones at that. I am the only person, thing, or event that is consistently getting in my own way, and I hope I am now taking the first of many steps to correct this, in part by realizing that these things are absolutely fully IN my control. Life is all about what you choose to make of it, and I am very pleased and happy with exactly what I have made of it, where it is located, and who is in it. As such, the rest is entirely within my control. There can ALWAYS be a plan to take the steps needed to succeed, and because there are at times minor factors that can pop up to interfere, there can certainly always also be a reliable Plan B waiting in the wings. I am capable of making these choices, as I have discussed before, and intend to continue to shine a light into the spectre of all the excuses that have been making it harder and seem unattainable.
And now that my biggest and best “excuse” has been shot, I am realizing that I have so many others that aren’t even as valid which are cluttering up my path. A healthy state of mind is all about how you see and process the world, your life, and your individual challenges. I’m chock full of other excuses about why things bug me, why my eating gets out of hand, why I’ve gotten back to being further out of shape, and why I can’t seem to manage all of my priorities. And when I sit and list them all out, things like the darkness and cold of winter, the stress and aftermath of moving, the heat and humidity of summer, the challenge of balancing work and home life, not having “time” in my schedule to exercise even though I have plenty of time to lay around and watch TV, being too tired, not having exactly the right gym or equipment available at home, etc.; they do all just start to sound like exactly what they are. Excuses. Lame ones at that. I am the only person, thing, or event that is consistently getting in my own way, and I hope I am now taking the first of many steps to correct this, in part by realizing that these things are absolutely fully IN my control. Life is all about what you choose to make of it, and I am very pleased and happy with exactly what I have made of it, where it is located, and who is in it. As such, the rest is entirely within my control. There can ALWAYS be a plan to take the steps needed to succeed, and because there are at times minor factors that can pop up to interfere, there can certainly always also be a reliable Plan B waiting in the wings. I am capable of making these choices, as I have discussed before, and intend to continue to shine a light into the spectre of all the excuses that have been making it harder and seem unattainable.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Today I Was Bitter.
Today I was bitter because I woke up a little tired, just like I do most days. I was bitter because getting myself out of bed, showered, fixed up and dressed, plus getting the boy to get dressed and to do his stuff, plus getting portable breakfast ready for him, plus getting our crap gathered up and out of the house, without being hideously late, is never easy or simple. Some mornings are tolerable, others are borderline nightmarish. Most days I arrive to work a little bit late and fairly flustered and/or already fatigued. Today it made me bitter.
Today I was bitter because I can't keep up with it all. Short of having a stay-at-home husband or being able to do so myself, it is also a feat of near impossibility to keep up with running a household with a kid in it. I use most of my weekday lunches to cram in errands, and I'm certainly have been known to make personal calls and pay bills during work hours. I could desperately use the help of a personal assistant some days. But considering we never quite have enough for everything we want, we don't get our cleaning lady as often as we need, and we almost need a new car, extra services are not in the picture. Realizing that made me bitter.
Today I was bitter because I have worked at the same job with only some minor gaps since 1999. I have been full time in my current post for a little under 3 years, and I still only am accruing leave at the rate of a rookie, because I had to start over. With all the activities and needs that come with a young kid, that is absurd. I rarely take more than long weekends for a vacation, and I can't even take them as often or make them as long as I'd care to, as would seem perfectly reasonable. This makes me bitter on a regular basis.
Today I was bitter because a larger than normal percentage of people I had to talk to were stupid and annoying.
Today I was bitter because I cope with such bitterness by eating bad stuff, which makes me look and feel terrible. I was bitter because I know that although I can not make some of those issues go away, I could handle them a lot better of I had more energy and wasn't uncomfortable in the body I have taken such poor care of. This results in a very bitter cycle.
Today I was bitter mostly about a bunch of stupid, irrelevant stuff that is just par for the working mother course, but some times I deal better with it than others. And sometimes, when you're bitter, it just feels good to bitch about it.
Today I was bitter because I can't keep up with it all. Short of having a stay-at-home husband or being able to do so myself, it is also a feat of near impossibility to keep up with running a household with a kid in it. I use most of my weekday lunches to cram in errands, and I'm certainly have been known to make personal calls and pay bills during work hours. I could desperately use the help of a personal assistant some days. But considering we never quite have enough for everything we want, we don't get our cleaning lady as often as we need, and we almost need a new car, extra services are not in the picture. Realizing that made me bitter.
Today I was bitter because I have worked at the same job with only some minor gaps since 1999. I have been full time in my current post for a little under 3 years, and I still only am accruing leave at the rate of a rookie, because I had to start over. With all the activities and needs that come with a young kid, that is absurd. I rarely take more than long weekends for a vacation, and I can't even take them as often or make them as long as I'd care to, as would seem perfectly reasonable. This makes me bitter on a regular basis.
Today I was bitter because a larger than normal percentage of people I had to talk to were stupid and annoying.
Today I was bitter because I cope with such bitterness by eating bad stuff, which makes me look and feel terrible. I was bitter because I know that although I can not make some of those issues go away, I could handle them a lot better of I had more energy and wasn't uncomfortable in the body I have taken such poor care of. This results in a very bitter cycle.
Today I was bitter mostly about a bunch of stupid, irrelevant stuff that is just par for the working mother course, but some times I deal better with it than others. And sometimes, when you're bitter, it just feels good to bitch about it.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
I'm Wearing a Coat of Armor. But Why?!
60-70 pounds is what I would ideally like to lose. To friends or family that know me and see me regularly that may sound like a lot, but trust me: although perhaps I hide it well at times (since it’s all in the middle where clothes can do their best camouflage work), it’s legit. That amount would simply put me at a very healthy weight for my 5 foot 8 inch frame, which is not even the lowest healthy weight option for that height. I give myself full credit for being muscular and having a solid frame; I’m not trying to go all Kate Moss here, just healthy and athletic, and lean.
After doing the math, imagining that I’m toting around an extra 60-70 pounds 24-7 is nothing short of horrifying. Picking up my 5 and a half year old son and carrying him any distance is absurdly challenging, such that if he asked me to carry him somewhere I’d say hell no unless he was bleeding or vomiting (or maybe sleeping.) AND HE ONLY WEIGHS 42 POUNDS. Yet I’m toting around a kid and a half already, AT ALL TIMES! Dear God, how can I continue to live like this? Every Season on the Biggest Loser, once the contestants have lost a significant amount of weight, there is inevitably a challenge to either wear or carry the amount of weight they have lost during a fitness competition. And every single time, every single contestant is rightfully shocked by how heavy and difficult it feels to do this, despite the fact that what’s left of their bodies is incredibly more fit than they’ve ever been in their lives. I’m wondering if conducting a similar experiment in advance would help me further visualize what this is doing to me? Perhaps I will pick the boy up in one arm and a 25 pound weight plate in the other arm, and try walking around a little bit, making a point to absorb more fully the impact of how much extra weight that is.
There are a lot of factors still holding me back from making the simple choice to get fit and finally lose it, but some feel more surmountable than others. Getting an exercise program started, tough. Stopping the habit of eating crappy junk food any time I want it, tougher still. But figuring out what inside my brain has decided that from behind this 60-70 pound coat of armor is a safer, easier place emotionally to function from? That is the crazy hard part to wrap my head around. It can’t possibly be better to hide from difficulties and unwanted feelings, not at this cost. Life is full of challenges, both day-to-day and in the big picture. But being afraid of feeling it, and instead numbing myself and hiding from it is complete madness. Why am I afraid? What am I afraid of? What feelings am I even hiding from? I can’t seem to pinpoint anything on a conscious level that would be worth avoiding at this price. I have a fantastic life, replete with a wonderful husband, a precious son that life revolves around, a loving and supportive family, priceless friends, a fabulous home, a decent career, and adequate financial means. So I just need to keep chipping away at my subconscious, to bring it on board with the fact that life is good, and there’s no avoiding the occasional parts that aren’t. Being heavy just drags down some of the good stuff and may shorten the whole thing. Fear sucks, and I am tired of letting it run the show. It’s time to retire the armor.
After doing the math, imagining that I’m toting around an extra 60-70 pounds 24-7 is nothing short of horrifying. Picking up my 5 and a half year old son and carrying him any distance is absurdly challenging, such that if he asked me to carry him somewhere I’d say hell no unless he was bleeding or vomiting (or maybe sleeping.) AND HE ONLY WEIGHS 42 POUNDS. Yet I’m toting around a kid and a half already, AT ALL TIMES! Dear God, how can I continue to live like this? Every Season on the Biggest Loser, once the contestants have lost a significant amount of weight, there is inevitably a challenge to either wear or carry the amount of weight they have lost during a fitness competition. And every single time, every single contestant is rightfully shocked by how heavy and difficult it feels to do this, despite the fact that what’s left of their bodies is incredibly more fit than they’ve ever been in their lives. I’m wondering if conducting a similar experiment in advance would help me further visualize what this is doing to me? Perhaps I will pick the boy up in one arm and a 25 pound weight plate in the other arm, and try walking around a little bit, making a point to absorb more fully the impact of how much extra weight that is.
There are a lot of factors still holding me back from making the simple choice to get fit and finally lose it, but some feel more surmountable than others. Getting an exercise program started, tough. Stopping the habit of eating crappy junk food any time I want it, tougher still. But figuring out what inside my brain has decided that from behind this 60-70 pound coat of armor is a safer, easier place emotionally to function from? That is the crazy hard part to wrap my head around. It can’t possibly be better to hide from difficulties and unwanted feelings, not at this cost. Life is full of challenges, both day-to-day and in the big picture. But being afraid of feeling it, and instead numbing myself and hiding from it is complete madness. Why am I afraid? What am I afraid of? What feelings am I even hiding from? I can’t seem to pinpoint anything on a conscious level that would be worth avoiding at this price. I have a fantastic life, replete with a wonderful husband, a precious son that life revolves around, a loving and supportive family, priceless friends, a fabulous home, a decent career, and adequate financial means. So I just need to keep chipping away at my subconscious, to bring it on board with the fact that life is good, and there’s no avoiding the occasional parts that aren’t. Being heavy just drags down some of the good stuff and may shorten the whole thing. Fear sucks, and I am tired of letting it run the show. It’s time to retire the armor.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Viva Las Vegas!
So, our Vegas trip was everything I'd hoped it'd be. Relaxing, indulgent, entertaining, relationship strengthening, exciting. I decompressed from all the madness of the last few months (so much so that I missed the whole first afternoon and evening.) I got a break from being a responsible mom, even though I missed my pumpkin terribly every single day. I got my Zen on, floating around in the lazy river soaking up the summer-like sun. We spent many hours and many dollars dining on amazing, often famous chef created food. We drank all we could of champagne when given the opportunity. We bonded as a couple and created great memories with two of our dearest friends. I wore higher than usual heels (other than for pole classes) and shorter than usual skirts. We learned how to play Craps (which I am sure I will promptly forget.) We watched a LOT of people. Rich people, obnoxious people, bitchy people, tacky people. We saw amazing things at the pawn shop featured on "Pawn Stars" and got kicked out so they could film an episode. We met some crazy cabbies. We renewed our vows at the Little White Wedding Chapel, wedding place of a number of celebrities, which is cheezy as hell and the epitome of Vegas weddings, but it was also serious enough to be meaningful for us. We also enjoyed some later evening entertainment. I feel fully refreshed, rejuvenated, and revived, and I loved every second of it, with the possible exception of the 5 hour flight with no tv screens (damn you, US Airways!)
We extended the vacation by only being home for 36 hours and then heading to the beach with the family to celebrate Easter weekend. As such, Monday and the early part of this week were pretty brutal on the re-entry. But it is worth it to shake up your life once in a while, even (and especially) for someone as into having a regular routine as me!
We extended the vacation by only being home for 36 hours and then heading to the beach with the family to celebrate Easter weekend. As such, Monday and the early part of this week were pretty brutal on the re-entry. But it is worth it to shake up your life once in a while, even (and especially) for someone as into having a regular routine as me!
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