A New Food Ban, effective immediately

The single, biggest, most frequent, most damaging, and hardest to avoid slip up for me is chocolate. It is my dearest friend, and my kryptonite. I have a lot of food allergies, and a lot of brands don't work for me, thankfully, but I am a hard core Hershey's girl. That town in Pennsylvania, where I have never even visited, has become the bane of my existence. In the last few years it has become a bigger and bigger problem, and is a huge contributor to my excess weight. Kisses are the classic go-to, but a couple of years ago when they invented "Kissables" (the Hershey version of M&M's, which I can't have anymore but were a huge high school addiction,) things got even worse. And I have recently rediscovered the fact that Chips Ahoy chocolate chip cookies work for me, too. I must have purposely forgotten about that wonderful piece of deliciousness, but unfortunately I remembered a couple of weeks ago. I haven't talked here before about how much chocolate or how often I eat it, and I'm not sure I'd even be comfortable putting it out there until AFTER I had cured the problem. But I will touch on it a little.

In the meantime, I will tell you what I have done. This is another thing I don't think I've discussed here before, but food bans is something that I came up with when it got so far out of control it was scary. And yes, I mean this in the literal sense, foods that I ban myself from eating, which I have actually only done twice in my lifetime to date. My first ban was/is a permanent one, which may sound kind of weird, but I'm being honest here. About 5 years ago, I permanently banned myself, for the rest of my lifetime, from eating another Hostess chocolate cupcake. Why? Well, did you know that you can buy them by the boxes of 12 or so? It started as a pack-a-day habit, that got worse when they had a several month promotion where there was a third cupcake in the pack. Then I became brazen enough to buy more than one pack at a time. And finally, the 12 pack, which were purchased often and rarely lasted more than a day and a half. I equate it with the same thing as being an alcoholic, and know there is no way I could ever handle them again. I came kind of close to letting myself have a pass to eat a pack them in the hospital with my son after his birth, because I was under a crippling amount of stress and it was one of the only things that looked good in the vending machine, but I talked myself out of it. Other than that one time, I have never again considered it an option, nor would I imagine any excuse that would be good enough.

The second ban was a temporary one, and it was just last year. It started around August or September, I think, and was through the end of 2008, and that was the aforementioned Kissables. The only thing more compelling at the time then Hershey's chocolate was Hershey's chocolate wrapped in crunchy candy. That started to spiral a little too far out of control (eating the big bags in about a day in a half, often) and I banned myself to the end of the year. Which I stuck with and beyond, and it was only recently I gradually delved back into them.

So today, during the second in as many days of a fabulously long and awesome feeling walking and running workout, I did some thinking. I've been struggling so much with roller coaster motivation, and the one thing that most consistently and quickly derails me is the desire to eat chocolate. And people all give the advice "not to buy" stuff that you are trying to avoid, and to get rid of what you have, but when I want it, I am perfectly happy to go buy it, and will even go to great length do do so if it is not immediately convenient. So today, I decided to institute another longer, (but still temporary) ban, that will be wider reaching. (Obviously this is due to recent eating behavior that I'm pretty uncomfortable admitting to the details of...) Effective immediately, I have banned myself from eating any kind of chocolate, with exactly three minor and very manageable exceptions. Jello Pudding cups, which we have in chocolate and vanilla layered flavor and are 100 calories (2 Weight Watchers Points) that I am not addicted to, Healthy Choice fudge pops, which are very satisfying as a frozen dessert and are only one Point each, and brownies made with black beans. Yes, you read that right, long story but it's a healthier and less sweet version of a brownie, that ends up being 2 points because of the high fiber content and much less sweet too, and I kind of like them but am definitely not addicted to them. Other than that, I will not eat another piece, bite, or mouthful of anything chocolate while the calendar still says 2009. 2009 is my year to lose this weight for once and for all, and even though the first month and a half are used up, I refuse to give in and not have this be the year. I refuse to be heavy through another summer of bathing suits, during the first vacation back to Vegas that we will have had together in over 5 years, or show up this weight to my 20th HS reunion in Oct. Desperate times call for desperate measures, cliche but true...

Why on earth would that work, you ask? How is it different than just trying to limit what you eat? I don't know, to be honest, but it does. I think fear is a big part of it. I am not addicted to anything "bad" like alcohol or anything else of that nature, but I equate my behavior with chocolate as a substance that I am abusing. As such, I feel like when it gets to that point, the rule is simply not breakable, and I think very carefully before starting one. So, I did that today, and now I am locked out of that problem, with no turning back. Hopefully that should free me a little more to truly succeed, because now my struggles will be with things that are less out of control. Not saying it will be easy, because there are plenty of other foods I am prone to chronically overeat, but they are not in the Hershey ballpark!

Going Diva!

So, last night was the first week of my Level 1 DivaFit class. And, just like the intro class I took last month, I loved it! I am definitely hooked. This class was a bit more "technical" than the intro, which was clearly aimed at getting your interest level up, but, although we only learned one spin (the same one from the intro class,) we are going to learn a new one each of the next 8 weeks. Love the music, love the ambiance, love the dance moves, what's not to love about working out in a dark room full of poles with thumping music and a glittery disco ball?! The workout was amazing, too. Since we were learning new moves and talking a lot, I didn't feel like I was working very hard at the time, and an hour FLEW by. However, when I got home and sat down, I realized I had exercised majorly from head to toe. I felt tired, stretched out muscles in my shoulders, back, abs, and legs, and it felt like they were more thoroughly worked than if I was just doing basic moves in the gym. The best part? Swinging and shaking what you've got while hanging on to a pole REALLY makes me want to look and feel my best. I think this will be a good diet motivator. That, and the fact that it will be a lot easier to hang 25% less weight from my fragile, previously injured shoulders! If you're looking for a new way to workout and feel good about yourself, this is it. And when you get to Level 2, you get to do the workouts in high heels, wheeee!

Too Long Away, Don't Feel Good Today...

So, despite a long absence from this blog, I've been having a lot of conversations with myself since my last post. They go something like this:

"Hi, self." "Hi." "How are you doing?" "Better in some ways, but not well enough." "Shall we resume working out and healthy eating soon?" "Yea, ok."

Actually, I did work out a few times in the last week, so all is not lost, but I had planned a big return today to more healthy food choices and counting Points, only to realize I do not feel well; that the almost illness I've been fighting off the last week has finally prevailed. And I'm letting that be a bit of an excuse on the food (tax stress was my preceding excuse this weekend.)

One of my 3-year old's favorite procrastination phrases is "not yet, but soon..." I leave you with that thought. My lapses have become shorter and less damaging, but I must return shortly!!

Catching Up

So, I am again realizing that reflecting in this blog is an essential part of keeping me going with this life-changing weight loss and fitness project. The more often I keep up with it, the more accountable I am, and the higher my resolve remains. Over the last couple of weeks I've had minor success, a sick kid, more minor success, moderate setbacks, trouble adjusting to my schedule, pauses in the process, etc. Bottom line, the switch is NOT turned off, but I have been making a habit of leaving the room now and then. That stops now!!!

I hereby renew my resolve to include the following:

-Stay true to the nature of this blog and try to update it almost daily with discussions of progress, lessons, food and workout logs, and weekly weigh in information,
-Establish my new routine for once and for all, with morning workouts, better advanced prep on workdays, etc.
-Increase to a more aggressive workout schedule, including morning videos before work, and getting back to the gym.

My weight has not changed much, but I am learning hard lessons. And I got a taste of how well it can work for me if I just stick it out. Time to implement and move forward!!

Great Quote:

"If you want to succeed, you have to find out how to trick yourself into making your desire to lose weight greater than your desire to eat. It’s not easy."


This pretty much sums me up. This is from a GUY weight loss blogger, no less, I was surprised. And he talks about desire to lose weight being like a switch, either it is on or it is off and we don't always feel we have control of the switch. I know this doesn't necessarily apply to everybody, but it is totally me!! Charlie of "Back to the Fridge" is being added to my blog list...

Weekend Lessons

I learned two major things about myself this weekend. Apparently, I am better off with no party food than attempting to enjoy it in moderation. In addition, apparently I am a closet diva! Allow me to elaborate:

We had people over to the house Saturday night for poker night. In a rare turn of events, both the husband and I ended up down! Usually we rule the roost and one or both of us is up, but not this time... (Mine was only a minor loss, but he was "due" as everyone at the table later observed. Historically he always takes SOMEbody's money.) Anyway, in our usual fashion we had people bring munchies to share and later ordered pizza. So, I was REALLY healthy all day and had plenty of "points" available for a controlled participation in the food fest, i.e. only one piece of pizza, only one glass of wine, and very limited munchies. For a second before starting I hesitated, and thought "I would be perfectly happy with my own food and less temptation with this stuff," but then thought about the fact that most diet advice says you need not to deprive yourself or you'll make it worse. Well, two pieces of pizza (one with pepperoni,) two glasses of wine, a lot of cheese, and a dessert or two later I realized I was NOT capable of moderation. And knowing that, and knowing I would have been JUST FINE having my own food taught me I will work within my known limits the next time.

Sunday was the day of my trial "pole" dancing class. Now, I may be toeing a fine line here, but other than my kid and maybe my co-workers, I am generally comfortable talking about this class. Clothes are totally on and stay on, OF COURSE, but it is definitely a pole dancing style class. A room full of poles, low lights, disco ball, and mirrors add to the ambiance. This class was a FANTASTIC workout, but also an exercise in letting your sexy attitude hang all the way out (if you can get comfortable enough to find one, which most of us did.) I knew I would like it, but I almost can't get over HOW MUCH I liked it. The teacher was great, and as soon as she popped in Beyonce's latest hit "Single Ladies," which I have been sheepish to admit is my current favorite song, I was HOOKED. All girly attitude songs with pumping beats, the kind that secretly make you want to shake it and sing out loud. Only here, you are EXPECTED to shake it. We learned a lot of fun moves including a legitimate spin move on the pole. I'm psyched to continue!

As I lost a little ground this weekend, I am going to save an "official" weigh in progress post until next week...

Grateful...

I am grateful that my professional organization is offering online webinar training sessions this year to maintain my certification. I have to get a lot of credits by the year's end, and I don't generally have the time, interest, or money to go to outside sessions. Right now I am earning credit while working (and blogging!)

I am grateful that it is mere hours from the weekend, and I will be spending it with my family and a few friends, relaxing and getting caught up around the house. This week was a hard adjustment for me getting back into the post-holidays routine!

I am grateful that my "cycle" started today, and as a result the hormonal cloud that was making this week seem even harder has started to lift. I am further grateful that my "off the wagon" time doesn't seem to have caused me to backtrack too far in my weight loss and fitness efforts. I plan to resume tonight/tomorrow with a vengeance!

I am grateful to see the sun shining, even though I am missing being out in it and it is supposed to be gone again tomorrow...

I am also grateful that my new boss is willing to let me telecommute on Mondays. It makes the full-length weeks seem a little easier, even if I am expected to accomplish the same amount of work.