Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Where to Start?!

So much to talk about!  Right when something started “happening” with my weight loss goals and plans, I checked the rest of the way out of blogging about it for a while.  This is coincident with the fact that working out regularly takes away a little from the overall pile of my personal time.  I only figured that out because over the last two months I have failed to finish reading our book club selections, and I was reading up a storm before that.  Can’t seem to cut the “wasted” veg/relax time, especially since that overlaps with the hang out with the hubby time, definitely can’t cut any time from the kid, can’t stand things if I cut too much from the day-to-day household upkeep, so apparently that was what gave.  And our next book is a really long one and our club dinner is in 11 days.  Oops.

Since I have been unwilling to admit to exactly how much weight I had GAINED over this past awful winter and was no longer willing to talk concrete weight numbers, let’s just say that I am almost back to my “starting” weight.  (If you are asking yourself “which one?” then {{hugs}} to you, because you are definitely a long time reader.)  J  I am down 16 pounds and most of a dress size.  LONG, long way to go, of course, but a huge good start.  How did this finally start happening, you ask?!

On Wednesday, April 28, 2010, a figurative brick hit me over the head.  In my obsession about turning 40 next March, I had counted out the days leading up to that, and was calculating whether I could still reasonably reach my weight goals by the birthday, and the following day was the 300 days remaining mark.  Yes, I should seek therapy probably, but I’m telling you, that 300 days left before turning 40 was it for me.  You know how you always say you can’t stand it anymore, this is it, I have to change, etc., and then it passes?  Well, in the weight loss success stories you read about or shows you watch, there’s always something that was the final straw for people that have succeeded.  Usually in times past I’ve been sure I had reached that final straw, but then it wore off.  Apparently, this was really it for me, though, thank goodness.  The idea of turning 40 while feeling I look poorly and feel badly about my health and my body is all but unbearable, so I absolutely can not afford to miss this chance to fix it in time.

And because I was so afraid of letting a milestone opportunity for a big start pass by with the risk of failing a little on the first day and throwing in the towel mentally, I started the day before, to give myself a one day fail cushion.  Confident, aren’t I?  Now, I kicked some major ass at first.  I’m wearing a Bodybugg (Biggest Loser style) to calculate my calories burned during the day, and I had used the online program to figure out my weight loss total goals, planned rate of loss, timeline, etc., and determined that I wanted to be able to eat 1700 calories a day, and wanted to burn about 2600 calories a day, so I would be in a deficit of at least 900 calories a day, thereby burning not quite 2 pounds a week.  And I did just that!!!  For almost all of the time between April 28 and June 8, about 6 weeks total.

Then came Wednesday, June 9.  And Thursday, June 10.  A two-day conference for work, downtown, where I was cooped up and not able to bring full snacking supplies.  And then the weekend followed, wherein we celebrated my husband’s birthday.  And then the following week was my hormonally challenging week before my period, affectionately referred to as shark week, and it was a worse one than usual.  And then it was also a heavy period week, and the weather got hot, humid, and life force sucking.  And then we were travelling and hanging out with family.  And the result of all of those no-reason-to-be-excuses excuses is that over the last 20 days I have been on a skid, completely unraveled all the good habits I had formed, developed a taste for junk food again, and I feel like I am starting over.  (Luckily this has not caused much in the way of scale damage, but it sure is about to if I don’t catch it now!)  My mantra for success had been to try to have tunnel vision, and focus just on the 900 calorie deficit a day, but then I got away from that, and started looking at both the modest startup success and the daunting long way to go and it messed me up.

However, I can not afford to beat myself up about it.  I need to lose some of the confidence that emboldened me to let myself slip, but keep enough of it to know that I can and will continue to move forward.  I already made plans to run tonight, which of all the types of exercise I’ve been doing burns the very most calories.  I also can’t afford to let my physical training slip because my sprint triathlon (same as last year, in my home neighborhood) is coming up in a little under 5weeks.  !!!