Friday, June 14, 2013

Decide. Commit. Succeed. (Borrowed, but brilliant.)

I want to really absorb these three words, until they resonate in my brain as a mantra.  They are apparently a company's copyrighted catch phrase, but they are brilliant.  Simple, concise, powerful.  Decide.  Commit.  Succeed.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Running Notes to Self

So, I did a 5K today, and oddly enough, it's gotten me feeling a little out of sorts.  I have been getting my workouts in for my first few weeks of the Couch to Half Marathon program, but I haven't been doing anything about the losing weight part.  So, working up from just walking to now supposed to have jogged continuously for two miles a couple of times (which I have only succeeded in doing without walking once), and today the long run was to be a 3 miler, so doing a fun 5K event seemed logical.  Here are some thoughts it generated, in no particular order:

1) Working out alone is comfortable, cathartic even.  Running a fun, themed race alone is a little lonely.

2) It is easy to only compare yourself to yourself and your own progress when running alone.  It is easy to feel reeeeeally poorly about being a BOPer ("back-of'the-pack-er") when there are so many hundreds of super fit people around.

3) My MapMyFitness app isn't working right anymore.  I've suspected so lately, but this race confirmed it.  This is a certified course and had the mile markers, and at the end of the race it said I had gone a lot farther, so not commenting on my time/pace yet because it wasn't real.  When they post the results I will understand a little better- seemed like being amped up made me go too fast, but yet I walked a lot.  We'll see.  I'm gonna have to switch to Nike+ or something.

4) Running with this much extra weight on feels TERRIBLE.  I'm building up slowly, but as such, you push yourself a little further each time, so it's never old hat or easy, it always feels terrible.  I felt more terrible than I expected to for longer than I expected to today.  That sucks.

5) I'm tired of feeling like this.  Tired of feeling so tired, unhealthy, out of shape, large, self-conscious, etc.

Sorry for the downer post.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

The "Sale" Trap

I have been doing a pretty good job of laying off the worst of the chocolate habit since the weekend, however I just got suckered back in a little bit by mistake. Do you ever buy things just because they’re on sale? I typically don’t, and I’m not much of a coupon user, either. Inevitably to use coupons makes me adjust what I was going to buy to brands I don’t prefer, or buy stuff I don’t need yet, and I’m not a fan. I have no room for mass storage in any convenient places in my house and I really dislike stockpiling in general. (Especially since I’ll forget I have something stashed and buy more when I need it, anyway, saving me nothing…)

I just went to Target for a few specific items, which is always an exercise in not spending myself blind on random things I “need” as it is, and I was doing pretty well at first. I even happened to look at the Easter candy and think “no, I don’t need any of that yet.” But then, somehow I passed by the leftover Valentine’s stuff that is 70% off, and picked up a little packet of M+M’s that called out to me. (It did, I swear.) Only because it was 70% off. What kind of logic is that? This is what is killing me, but since it’ll cost me 60 cents instead of $2.00 I’m in. REALLY?! It was only a single serve pack, and a normal person can indulge in that once in a while, but for me it’s a door to disaster. I’m going to do my best not to open it any further.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

3 Miles, So Sloooowww

Got today's workout in.  At night, when I'm usually out of gas.  At the gym, which I do not prefer.  The assignment was a 3 mile walk.  Technically running isn't required for a couple more weeks, but I sprinkled in several jogging intervals.  This is a pretty big deal for me, because of late I have only run brief downhill stints, on rare occasion, over the last couple of years.  Three miles in 52 minutes is sloooow as dirt, especially when running is included, and yet for me it was an achievement.  I'm both embarrassed and proud, which is a little weird.  However, I am going to look at it as a starting point, the before picture, the benchmark from which I shall only improve as I work my way through this training program.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Goose Fiiight!!

Sunday I started a "couch to half marathon" program.  I know, that's a big leap.  HUGE.  There are a lot of different versions of those kinds of programs out there, but I did choose one that I thought started from the most genuine "couch" point.  Granted, it probably still doesn't quite mean "overweight and married to the couch," but I needed something to kick myself in the oversized ass.  So, with that, I chose an event, signed up for it, filled my calendar out with all the workouts between now and then, and off I go.

The first day's workout was a 2 mile walk.  I've actually been doing several of those lately, so it was not too bad (although after several walks this week with turbo-boss my ankles are pretty sore with their recurring issues).  I had a near miss with skipping it (already), though, 'cause the husband had to go into the office, and I had to do it by 7 am if I was going to get it in.  So, when I was reluctant at first to get up, he pointed out that if I wanted I could count the prior days' 2 mile walk, but I realized that would set a crappy tone if I was already cutting corners on the first day and I went.  Now, freezing as it was, I love and prefer walking outside whenever possible as opposed to on a treadmill.  However, it.   Was.     COLD.  I suffered a fair bit in the wind, and was relieved to have it be a short workout.  But, as always, I was rewarded with some amusing wildlife sightings, this time in the form of a full-on goose brawl.  There were about 20 of them, Canada geese, and there were two main ones fighting each other, but I am not kidding the rest of them were lined up on teams for support and backup.  I've never seen anything like it, it was kind of awesome!

Sunday, February 10, 2013

One More Week to Kick Off Workout Mode

I may have mentioned it before, but I am considering signing up for a half marathon this year.  I found a local event that really interests me, happening in June, and I also found a "couch to half marathon" training program that would require a start date of next week (and which really does start from a point of just walking 2-3 miles, which is the range of "couch" that I am at.)  Many "couch to __" training programs are a little advanced from what I would consider "couch", but this one is just right.  I've not yet signed up for the event, however, and I've not mentioned it until now, because I didn't want it to be another thing I signed up for and didn't do, 'cause those do happen.  I really didn't want to start the training program cold, either, but my getting started on a consistent workout problem has been intermittent at best, and plagued with excuses.  Saturday is typically my longest/best workout day, and this Saturday, it consisted of kid stuff, errands, and not working out.  Sunday is also a good workout day for me sometimes, and this one consisted of attending a baptism, eating more lunch than I needed to, and a nap.

Now, I'm not knocking the nap, 'cause balling up on my fantastic couch under a blanket with my family nearby and no particular time limit is a little slice of heaven, and I don't regret that part.  But I have exactly one week to accomplish the following:

1) get over the cold/dank winter and/or feel more like going to the gym;

2) figure out which times of the day I am going to be willing and able to sacrifice comfort and sloth and establish a workout schedule (the two most logical times are going to be early morning or late eve, both of which are VERY challenging mentally and energy-wise); and

3) just do it.

Mixed in there I've got some dental work that rattles me pretty good, a busy week at work, and I'm still waiting on some job news that I've been excited/anxious about.  But I can't let that stuff mess me up, because I am pretty sure any week of the year I could come up with a list of "issues" that are making things more challenging to focus on me and my health.  But this is important.  There's someone in there, under all that busyness, laziness, angst, and years worth of bad habits and personal neglect that I have been in part before, and would really like to fully be.  Someone who has more energy, is healthy, active, effective in everyday life, and takes good care of not only others, but herself too.  She is buried under an intricately woven, warm, and comfy (but not really anymore) quilt of excuses.  It is one of those well-worn, favorite blankies that's really hard to come out from under.  But really, isn't it getting near time to find a big pair of scissors and cut that sucker up?

Monday, February 4, 2013

Long Walk Was Frigid and Short

2 miles. 17 min. pace. Pretty poor, but the effort wasn’t- I was FREEZING! Just being out there was an accomplishment, but I probably should have chosen the gym.

Sunday FELT like I worked out, but it was in the non-cardio (but just as tiring) form of getting stuff done around the house on my feet: dishes, laundry, tidying up, cooking. If I had also worked out, my legs would have given out before I was done, unfortunately. This week’s workout plans are ambitious considering how little I have been doing, will report on progress.

Oh, and I only lost one pound last month. Fairly accurate representation of my level of effort, but it’s better than zero or gaining!

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Damn You, Diet Ginger Ale! Why Hath You Forsaken Me?!

"O, Canada Dry, my beloved beverage of choice..."

So, I’m hearing lately that diet soda is (still, again, whatever) confirmed or reconfirmed to be evil bad for you, and is not any better than drinking regular soda for overall health and weight loss habits. Sigh. No, I have not researched the fine print, but honestly, they’ve been saying it long enough and with more and more fervor, that I’m sure they’re not crazy at this point. Really, it’s hard to argue that pouring a load of chemicals into your body day after day is anything other than horrifying, right? But I LIKE the chemicals. They taste good. They make me actually ENJOY ingesting liquid. Water tastes wonderful in the middle of and after a workout, but other than that, pretty much bleck. And yea, I know, I’ll develop the taste; I can put lemon in it, etc. I know. I KNOW!!! But I don’t WANNA! The prospect of giving it up makes me very whiny.

The other reason I know I need to quit it is because I’m setting a bad example for the boy and just got called out on it by none other than himself. We do not buy him or let him drink sodas except as an extremely rare occasional treat, and he knows it’s not healthy. Well, you know that “jinx” verbal game where if you accidentally say the same thing at the same time you can say “jinx, you owe me a __”? I played it in college with beer. He now plays it with his little friends with soda, go figure. Well, the other day I jinxed HIM, a rare victory indeed. But when I said “you owe me a soda!” all I got was a scowly face, a “no way”, and then a “you’ve drank enough soda for the rest of your life.” Oops. Damn. That's a second one of my favorite things on the "gotta wean myself off this stuff" list, right after chocolate. Sigh...

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

It's the Sugar, Stupid.

You know why you feel so crappy, tired, and lethargic all the time?

It's the sugar, stupid.

You know why it is so tough to be calm, patient, and unaffected in the midst of chaos and stresses borne from daily life?

It's the sugar, stupid.

You know why your clothes sizes keep getting bigger, and even then those clothes are getting tighter, and the hiding clothes don't even hide you anymore?

It's the sugar, stupid.

You know why you don't care much anymore for the taste of healthier foods and are rarely satisfied by them?

It's the sugar, stupid.

You know why you are becoming more and more limited in your physical activities, due to injuries, low energy, and inertia?

It's the sugar, stupid.

You know why you have become uncomfortable in your own skin, which you never used to be?

It's the sugar, stupid.

You know what you need to lose from your life to fix all this, the right way, for once and for all?

The sugar, stupid.

I know, I'm not stupid, but letting myself get so far into this mess and becoming a slave to sugar is.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Slogging through the Long Walk/Jog

Today, I had planned to walk at least 4 miles, same as last week's long one.  I wasn't too concerned about time, 'cause I've been struggling with these sore ankles, and it's been cold.  I even thought I might jog a tiny clip or two.  We have a friend staying in town with us, and he's training for his first half Ironman, so I was feeling more energetic starting out with Ironboy as an example.

Long story short, though, on the initial mile my ankles were hurting even more than usual, and my one hip that periodically gives me trouble eventually chimed in, too.  So, feeling like I was dragging slower and slower, and like my feet were flapping around uselessly and in pain, I had a choice to make- keep going or call home for a ride.  Not wanting to be defeated, at the top of the highest hill, I decided I needed to use gravity to my advantage and jog it out down the substantial hill.  Good news is, it was quite motivating to feel like I jogged a long clip, and it also helped it not take me two hours to hobble back home.  Unfortunately, while jogging, instead of the ankles hurting, it was both hips and then a knee that chimed in.  Sigh.  Net result was 2.66 miles in 44 minutes.  Being an out of shape beginner is grueling, and it sucks, but it has to be pushed through to get to the better parts.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Tired of the Rollercoaster

Today has been a horrible example of all the things I want to get away from, stop doing, improve upon, and change about myself. I’ve been letting big picture of negativity build up some steam lately, fretting about every different thing from behavioral issues with my son to upcoming promotional opportunities and the stress that comes along with that, to some upcoming dentistry of which I am quite phobic. I’m also feeling some funk from the many days of cloudy, dank, near-darkness the weather has brought of late, as is a common issue for me this time of year. I’ve been about as undisciplined as one could possibly be regarding not getting enough sleep, not working out as much as I’d planned (not zero, at least, but not nearly enough), and I have been allowing myself to be destructive with food, too. Chocolate continues to be a serious problem.

This is a vicious cycle, and I am mired in fairly deep. It makes me feel physically and mentally terrible, and I know it puts me at risk for being prone to getting sick, too, which at this time of year with such a flu outbreak would particularly suck. I CAN find a way to improve these things, by chipping away at one thing at a time, bit by bit; until the cumulative effects start to build upon themselves; much like the negativity is doing in reverse now. It is entirely possible, I know this on a theoretical level, and I certainly have the knowledge of the how to do it. But inertia is a powerful foe. One I must wrestle with entirely too often. It takes extremely dedicated, continuous hard work to succeed, and it only takes about a split second of slacking to drop the ball. Ugh.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Dear Lance...

Lance. Lance, Lance, Lance. @lancearmstrong What is there to even say? At first, and until fairly recently, I have always believed in you, and even defended you. I believed your body structure/makeup/whatever was different as advertised, I believed you were actually able to do what you did without breaking the rules, and I certainly believed you were being falsely accused all that time based on how vehemently and consistently you protested over the years, and how you were never, ever actually caught for anything. I believed the claims that you were being harassed, unfairly targeted, etc. Then, recently, as more and more people piled on with their accusations, it became unreasonable to keep believing, but my feelings were still mixed, I still wanted to believe. But once I read a detailed article about the actual content of the testimony against you from all of these different, legitimate people, my heart sank. The idea of a mass conspiracy against you just wasn’t plausible anymore. So, upon hearing what you apparently have said to Oprah I’m not going to be shocked. No one is.

The fact that you cheated in a sport full of cheaters sucks and is wrong, but by no means did it need to be the end of the world. It’s not the only sport where many (most?) of the best cheat in some fashion or another, and if you were all cheating then at least it was something of a level playing field. In that sense you still proved yourself to be the best of the best under those unfortunate but marginally equivalent conditions. That I could totally get past, and I’m sure I’m not alone. Where I’m dismayed is much more so in the denial and the criticizing (on the verge of harassing) others who threw out the what-turned-out-to-be-true accusations against you, which were fully deserved. As a parent, don’t you tell your kids that lying about doing something wrong is way worse than merely doing something wrong? What kind of person is so harsh, threatening, and mean to someone whose own conscience couldn’t sit on such a wrong anymore? That is truly disheartening. No one is perfect, but it takes a different kind person to treat people that way in the name of defending glory/money/whatever.

My memories of you can be tarnished, but they still can’t be erased. I feel like I’ve bonded with you twice over the years. I’ve never had firsthand cancer experience, thankfully, but it had always seemed like this spectre of a death sentence for people that was always out there, lurking, a scary component of life to be feared. When I read your first book, “It’s Not About the Bike”, I felt like I got to know you as a person, and it was one of the most inspiring stories I have ever read, hands down. Cancer didn’t need to be a death sentence, no matter how bad it was when it was discovered. People had a fighting chance. But in fact, the inspiration you provided far transcended cancer, - and made it seem like in life anything could be possible to overcome/achieve. That’s powerful stuff.

My second bonding with you was in the summer of 2005. I was on bedrest with my son for several weeks while you were out there winning your 7th Tour de France. Day after day, I looked forward to having something so enthralling, so impressive, so exciting to watch that took my mind to a wonderful place for several hours a day as I lay there, waiting for a new life to change mine. I will always be grateful for that joyful diversion.

Despite not being able to forgive you as a person, the fact remains that you are still one of the most exciting athletes on the planet to watch. I think I would still like to see you compete in Ironman and other stuff. I think. I just can’t hold you up as a role model anymore, which sucks, ’cause you made a pretty good one once upon a time. And as much as I have supported and still respect the LiveSTRONG brand and its purpose, I’ll feel like a real idiot if I ever publically don my yellow bracelet, socks, logo hat, logo shirt, or any of the other gear I’ve accumulated over the years. I figure you owe me a couple hundred bucks for all that uselessness. Insert sad face emoticon here.

Monday, January 14, 2013

My Ankles Hurt.

I’m used to it, but I’m tired of it. It’s not such an issue as to need medical attention by any means, rather from past experience I know they typically hurt when I walk/jog at any effortful pace when I’m first starting out from completely out of shape status. It makes the initial efforts pretty miserable, but with persistence of workouts they gradually subside and toughen up. It’s just that during those first few weeks the motivation is always so fragile, and that just adds one more potential excuse to the well-used pile.

Today’s workout was a walk at lunch with my boss (my usual turbo-charged partner), and my work bff joined us too, who is apparently similarly jet-powered. Let’s just say they left me hobbling in the dirt, hahaha! But I am NOT complaining- considering the dark, dank cloud cover looming over the otherwise temperate day, I was glad just to have a reason to be forced outside to move, and both of their company is quite enjoyable. Plus it would be harder still to bail on two people than it is even to bail on one, which is a good thing. I logged in a hair under 2 miles in a paltry 31-and-a-half minutes. Sorry excuse for a workout, but I’ll take it. Oh, and we saw black squirrel running through the woods, he was adorable! We are plenty squirrel-riffic around here, but they’re typically just the run-of-the-mill gray ones, I hardly ever see ‘em in black. Once back at my desk I find myself pondering chocolate again, however, my ever nagging nemesis. Unfortunately, it takes a lot longer than just a week or two for the working out to actually trigger any overwhelming urges to eat less junk, but I’m plugging along, trying to get a snowball started here. I’m just glad it’s not actually snowing.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Nope, Didn't Happen.

I didn't workout today.  And that was entirely predictable, 'cause I didn't have a plan, I just figured I'd fit it in somehow.  Parts of the day I thought "maybe I'll do this", "oh, it's not good weather like it was supposed to be, I'll have to choose something indoors", and before you know it, blammo, day over and energy up.  Learn from this.

Long "Run" Saturday

Saturday morning I walked 4 miles.  Still at a very slow pace, but a teeny bit faster per mile than I have been managing of late.  And I did not end up feeling as sore as I have been either during or after.  This is progress!  It was gorgeous out, unseasonably warm, sunny, and crisp.  I even enjoyed some nature along the way of my suburban saunter, in the form of evergreen bushes with zillions of tiny but very pretty bright blue berries, a long line of maple trees that had little tiny palm-sized bird nests in almost every one, a cacophony of bird chirping coming from one particular tree that turned out to have about 10 in it rather than the 50 they sounded like, cattails bursting with fuzz that looked ready to take flight, shriveled up berries and leaf buds on the tree in my yard that is clearly confused by the movement between warm and cold weather lately, a couple of dogs being walked stopping to sniff each other hello, a minefield of goose poop near the pond where they frequently gather (although they were missing today), and a gorgeous black and white cat gazing out of someone's window, looking extremely photogenic but I didn't want to be arrested for being a peeping tom.  Not bad for winter- in other seasons it really gets wonderful, I just love our neighborhood.

Sunday I aim to fit in another workout of sorts, but that might be dicey.  The husband needs to get some work in, and I don't have a solid idea of what my day will look like.  We'll see.

Oh, and I'm TOYING with training for a half marathon in June.  I know, that probably sounds ludicrous, but I found a couch to half marathon training program that actually sounds plausible, both in terms of my starting fitness point and the progression of the training.  I'm not registering and ponying up the cash for the event just yet, but I am going to spend the next few weeks preparing to start the program, start it at the prescribed date, and if it seems to be going well and the race is not full I'll likely do it.  I've done a lot of races before, and they can be motivating, but I've also signed up for and bailed on some, and I don't want that to happen again.  I want to make sure I am really committed.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Less Terrible

“Less Terrible” is the almost non-existent diet plan I’ve been following lately. It’s pretty poor, but it’s been about all I can muster thus far, for whatever reason. Basically, I’m trying to eat less horribly than I was, giving in less often then I was, and not making the bad foods as easily accessible to myself. Sometimes I’m logging my food into Weight Watchers, and a couple of times I’ve eeked out a brief workout. Sounds spectacular, doesn’t it? Ha. I’m sure this won’t be the case for long, but I’ve actually made the teensiest bit of progress, believe it or not. Sure it’s probably just water lost by keeping up better with my daily medicines and no longer being on my period, but I’ll take it.

I’ve never been good at the “some” method, which everyone swears by in the long run. All or nothing has been my m.o., and nothing ALWAYS has won. I truly have no delusions that the less terrible plan will be effective for long, but eeking out a smidge of progress makes me want to try the slightest bit harder to eek out a teeny bit more. With any luck, I will build on tiny successes until they’re not as tiny. This is new to me, and mentally quite difficult. But this time, it’s all I’ve got.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Pink Called It

I am having myself a craptacular morning. Want to hear about it? I hope so, 'cause I feel like whining about it. Here's the recipe:

Step 1, mess up the one thing that your easily stressed out kid stresses out the most about by forgetting to finish the laundry, and start the day with him having stressey tantrums while the needed pants are in the dryer.
Step 2, get feedback from your boss, to whom you are trying to appear worthy of promotion to an available management position, that you didn't get the issue right on a zoning determination letter you drafted.
Step 3, have the requestor of that letter that you didn't get right invite you and your boss to a meeting to discuss those issues that you told her over the phone prematurely and incorrectly.
Step 4: Be bummed because the one social event I look forward to the most each month is being delayed and everyone sounds really lackluster about it.
Step 5: Have an overload of other work you have to deal with and be low on energy because you ate poorly yesterday and skipped your planned workout.

Stir together, and prepare to belt out the lyrics to Pink's "Blow Me (One Less Kiss). All together now: "I've had a $h*t day!" "I've had a $h*t day!"

Yesterday I had a bunch of more positive stuff to say, including discussing my beloved Biggest Loser 2 night premiere, but I didn't get around to it. I'll try to get back to that later. Thanks for listening.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Two Posts for the Price of One: Weigh In Monday, and Why?!

Weigh-In Monday

I took my “before” pictures yesterday, and I weighed in for my starting weight this morning, and I have debated back and forth about whether to share them with you or not. I’m all about letting it all hang out on this blog, but I’ve come to the conclusion that I just can’t do it (yet.) I will post my weigh-in results each week and apprise of my progress, but I just can’t blurt out the starting number yet, because although I’m comfortable among strangers, I’m mortified to admit it to friends. And I also don’t want to post such horrific pictures to stand alone- I can deal once there’s a work in progress to show alongside. Deal?


Why, why, why do the cravings for chocolate and junk food have to be stronger already on THE VERY FIRST DAY you resolve is the start day for doing better? WHY?!!! Is it because I didn’t have the time to go to the store when I had the energy and didn’t have the energy to go to the store when I had the time this weekend? And is it because of that not having gotten to shop for healthy food yet that I didn’t have a filling healthy breakfast to fend off said cravings and now also don’t have much in the way of healthy snack options with me? Why does taking better care of one’s self have to take so much work, and have such difficult repercussions if you don’t do it? Dang that is frustrating! I’m tracking my food, though, even if it is not entirely how I had planned to eat. I cannot afford to fall for the zillionth time into the perpetually recurring nasty cycle of using a slow start, slip up, or other imperfection as an excuse to derail and bail. That was a fun sentence; let’s repeat it again for good measure: I CANNOT afford to fall for the zillionth time into the perpetually recurring nasty cycle of using a slow start, slip up, or other imperfection as an excuse to derail and bail! And I am going to buy groceries on my lunch break, even though it is cold out and I feel tired and lazy. All the groceries I need, not just the bare few minimum things I need for dinner and the boy’s lunches, but truly suck it up and buy the food I need. I made a long list last night. Suck it up.

Oh, and one more bonus thing while I’m at it, and this is just a whiny complaint. Daily life can be such a pain in the ass. I enjoy what I do for a living, but once a week for half a day I am at the mercy of the general public for answering incoming questions. I can say that I have met some interesting people and have been asked some even more interesting (zoning) questions, but it is hectic, annoying, disruptive from other work that needs to get done, and it makes me want to eat. A lot.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

First "Long" Saturday "Run"

Ouch.  Slow, painful, and shorter than planned.  That about sums up my first Saturday morning "long run".  You know, as in any training program, you typically have one long run scheduled a week, and mine is generally going to be on Saturday mornings.  And boy is it going to be a long while before it is either a run, or anywhere close  to long, but I've gotta start somewhere!  I just wish it didn't hurt so much, my ankles are incredibly sore and tight.  But at least my back didn't join the party like it did on my short painful lunchtime walk this week with my turbo-charged boss.  Anyhoo, I planned a long workout, and banged out the best one I could muster.  3 miles, 52 minutes.  Ugh, but it is still good enough and a solid calorie burn!

Friday, January 4, 2013

Hellooooooo, 2013.

Welcome. So nice to see you! FYI, I wasn’t particularly impressed with your predecessor, 2012. Don’t get me wrong, nothing BAD happened in my life (frantically knocking on wood!) My family and friends and health are all intact, my job and finances have remained stable, I didn’t have to deal with any major life changes in the past year, and all is generally well. We even took a spectacular, not-many-times-in-a-lifetime vacation to Hawaii in the spring, which was outstanding! But other than that, over the past year, the day-to-day was moderately blah. Just plodding along, trying to manage obligations, getting overloaded, overstressed, and overtired easily, working to get through the next day/thing/deadline, and as a result? My personal care, weight, and fitness have continued to stink it up more than ever. I keep reaching all-time weight highs, only to later reach another new one. It’s madness! Sheer, psychotic, horrendous madness. Simple, daily things like climbing stairs, carrying things, bending over, etc. have gotten progressively more uncomfortable as my waistline expands. I keep buying bigger, more “camoflagey” clothes, and it’s not working, I truly look heavy now. I avoid being in pictures as much as possible. I am always tired, except when I first wake up, IF I got enough sleep, which I rarely have the discipline to do. As a result of being tired and stressed a lot I am also cranky a lot, which is not good for me or the family. In a nutshell, I am in overweight hell, and it feeds on itself at an alarming rate. Being unfit and overweight makes one tired and lazy (and cranky), and being tired and lazy makes one progressively less fit (and cranky). Looking and feeling terrible makes one eat excessively, and eating excessively makes one look and feel terrible (and cranky!)

2013, please be as different as I intend you to be, I have to break this cycle for my own sanity. Brain, please cooperate as I reshape your way of thinking about food, and as I try to trick you into progressively increasing motivation for moving more. Success, please be generous. Failure, please be gentle and fleeting. Let’s do this.