Sunday, January 25, 2009

Catching Up

So, I am again realizing that reflecting in this blog is an essential part of keeping me going with this life-changing weight loss and fitness project. The more often I keep up with it, the more accountable I am, and the higher my resolve remains. Over the last couple of weeks I've had minor success, a sick kid, more minor success, moderate setbacks, trouble adjusting to my schedule, pauses in the process, etc. Bottom line, the switch is NOT turned off, but I have been making a habit of leaving the room now and then. That stops now!!!

I hereby renew my resolve to include the following:

-Stay true to the nature of this blog and try to update it almost daily with discussions of progress, lessons, food and workout logs, and weekly weigh in information,
-Establish my new routine for once and for all, with morning workouts, better advanced prep on workdays, etc.
-Increase to a more aggressive workout schedule, including morning videos before work, and getting back to the gym.

My weight has not changed much, but I am learning hard lessons. And I got a taste of how well it can work for me if I just stick it out. Time to implement and move forward!!

Monday, January 12, 2009

Great Quote:

"If you want to succeed, you have to find out how to trick yourself into making your desire to lose weight greater than your desire to eat. It’s not easy."

This pretty much sums me up. This is from a GUY weight loss blogger, no less, I was surprised. And he talks about desire to lose weight being like a switch, either it is on or it is off and we don't always feel we have control of the switch. I know this doesn't necessarily apply to everybody, but it is totally me!! Charlie of "Back to the Fridge" is being added to my blog list...

Weekend Lessons

I learned two major things about myself this weekend. Apparently, I am better off with no party food than attempting to enjoy it in moderation. In addition, apparently I am a closet diva! Allow me to elaborate:

We had people over to the house Saturday night for poker night. In a rare turn of events, both the husband and I ended up down! Usually we rule the roost and one or both of us is up, but not this time... (Mine was only a minor loss, but he was "due" as everyone at the table later observed. Historically he always takes SOMEbody's money.) Anyway, in our usual fashion we had people bring munchies to share and later ordered pizza. So, I was REALLY healthy all day and had plenty of "points" available for a controlled participation in the food fest, i.e. only one piece of pizza, only one glass of wine, and very limited munchies. For a second before starting I hesitated, and thought "I would be perfectly happy with my own food and less temptation with this stuff," but then thought about the fact that most diet advice says you need not to deprive yourself or you'll make it worse. Well, two pieces of pizza (one with pepperoni,) two glasses of wine, a lot of cheese, and a dessert or two later I realized I was NOT capable of moderation. And knowing that, and knowing I would have been JUST FINE having my own food taught me I will work within my known limits the next time.

Sunday was the day of my trial "pole" dancing class. Now, I may be toeing a fine line here, but other than my kid and maybe my co-workers, I am generally comfortable talking about this class. Clothes are totally on and stay on, OF COURSE, but it is definitely a pole dancing style class. A room full of poles, low lights, disco ball, and mirrors add to the ambiance. This class was a FANTASTIC workout, but also an exercise in letting your sexy attitude hang all the way out (if you can get comfortable enough to find one, which most of us did.) I knew I would like it, but I almost can't get over HOW MUCH I liked it. The teacher was great, and as soon as she popped in Beyonce's latest hit "Single Ladies," which I have been sheepish to admit is my current favorite song, I was HOOKED. All girly attitude songs with pumping beats, the kind that secretly make you want to shake it and sing out loud. Only here, you are EXPECTED to shake it. We learned a lot of fun moves including a legitimate spin move on the pole. I'm psyched to continue!

As I lost a little ground this weekend, I am going to save an "official" weigh in progress post until next week...

Friday, January 9, 2009


I am grateful that my professional organization is offering online webinar training sessions this year to maintain my certification. I have to get a lot of credits by the year's end, and I don't generally have the time, interest, or money to go to outside sessions. Right now I am earning credit while working (and blogging!)

I am grateful that it is mere hours from the weekend, and I will be spending it with my family and a few friends, relaxing and getting caught up around the house. This week was a hard adjustment for me getting back into the post-holidays routine!

I am grateful that my "cycle" started today, and as a result the hormonal cloud that was making this week seem even harder has started to lift. I am further grateful that my "off the wagon" time doesn't seem to have caused me to backtrack too far in my weight loss and fitness efforts. I plan to resume tonight/tomorrow with a vengeance!

I am grateful to see the sun shining, even though I am missing being out in it and it is supposed to be gone again tomorrow...

I am also grateful that my new boss is willing to let me telecommute on Mondays. It makes the full-length weeks seem a little easier, even if I am expected to accomplish the same amount of work.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Progress and Pitfalls!

First, the positive, PROGRESS. I did start my commitment to healthier eating and limitations wholeheartedly a few days BEFORE New Year's Day. I planned this to avoid the big start day being so filled with pressure and such a sudden change, and I got the idea from another weight loss blog (a much more serious one!) called Roni's Weigh. Although I had a few times here and there where travel/holiday put me a tad over, it still had a positive starting effect. Combined with the 3 pounds I lost being sick, it helped me lose 2 more pounds for a total of 5, putting me back to my starting weight of 200! You could see that as depressing, but I see it as progress, because as I discussed previously, I am going to lose this weight 5 pounds at a time, and there's 5 down already! Plus, my "fat" clothes fit fine at this weight, but with 5 extra I was feeling and looking rather poorly. Also, the more days I have been logging food, the closer I am to having it become a true habit, and not something I am trying to make myself do.

Next, for a little bit of discussion on PITFALLS. My toughest time is hands down the week before my period. Some months are better than others, but my husband affectionately refers to this week as "shark week" (named after the one Discovery channel has on TV periodically) because my appetite can be so over the top. Earlier this year when I had some (temporary) weight loss success, I was able to do it like this: 3 weeks of earnest weight loss, 1 week of hang on and don't gain any back. Clearly this is going to continue to be a trend for me, because over the last two days I ate several extra things. Tuesday was a rough one. My trigger was a snowballing effect, as it turns out: not getting enough sleep, leading to not being as prepared to go to work in the morning, leading to not having any handy breakfast or lunch ready to go, leading to a stop at a grocery store first thing on an empty stomach, leading to buying foods I craved that are not chocolate, at least, but are not something I can apparently eat in small quantity! Baked cheddar and sour cream Ruffles (ate half the bag over the course of the day, even despite writing down the Weight Watchers Points for it each time,) and Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal- a delicious sugar laden mess that I also ate half the box of over the course of the day. Small success, though, in that I walked up a ton of stairs at work (over 350!) in the afternoon, and then did a tough, 30 minute workout video in the eve. Then I felt good about watching the kickoff of Biggest Loser, although I fell asleep before finishing, but I was bummed for so many people not getting more than a week there! I did some crunches while I was watching at the beginning, too, after Jillian and Bob yelled at America not to sit there and watch while eating ice cream. That is what I used to do, but NOT THIS TIME!

Thursday, January 1, 2009

50 Reasons to Lose 50 Pounds (a repost with edits)

Here is a post I previously wrote where I listed for myself one very good reason for each of the 50 pounds I need to lose. That number has varied a little since I first wrote it, but it generally still applies. I want all 50 of them to go away for good and leave me with a healthy body and life! Hopefully posting them here will again remind me of what I have to gain by losing.

50. Because I still don't recognize myself when I catch a sideways glance in a full-length mirror. Even after years of a gradual increase in extra pounds needed to lose, it doesn't look like me wrapped up in that extra thick layer.

49. Because I have gotten myself back to my "starting" weight, and it only seems logical to continue downward.

48. Because I have a closet full of cute and nice clothes that I look at wistfully every time I get dressed, and every time I have to do laundry to have something to wear despite having a full closet. I really looked good in a lot of those clothes, and most of them aren't even as small as my goal weight size. It would so rock to shop for small clothes that looked good on me AND made me look good!

47. Because it feels SOOOO good to be self confident. My naturally shy personality struggles even more when I am self conscious about and tugging at my clothes to hide/adjust things.

46. Because I'm out of breath a lot lately with the way I've been eating and not exercising enough. It doesn't feel good.

45. Because stress is much better at eating away at me when my body and mind already don't feel good. Exercise=endorphins=happy and relaxed. This year I was a tense mess.

44. Because I actually ENJOY getting exercise and fresh air, when I'm not trapped by inertia!

43. Because I am way better at playing hockey when I'm lighter and faster.

42. So my hockey gear will return to fitting the way it's supposed to, instead of leaving big fleshy patches exposed to dangerous slapshots!

41. Because I'm spending 7,000 to fix my teeth with braces, and it would be stupid to have this great smile if I still feel like a heavy mess when they come off.

40. Because people are more confident in hiring someone for wedding planning and organization help if they appear to have themselves pulled together really well. I agree that someone who's not looking and feeling their best is not projecting the image of a valuable investment!

39. Because major health problems would be resolved such as high blood pressure and high cholesterol.

38. Because other minor aspects of my looks and health would be improved, such as eczema, acne, and allergies symptoms management.

37. Because I will be better able to function in high heat and humidity, which is a solid part of our summer environment here and at the beach.

36. Because it's easier to feel like losing a significant portion of your body weight is possible when "Biggest Loser" is in-season, for motivation. And it starts up AGAIN Jan. 6th. I'm not going to sit there for another season and watch the contestants drop below my weight without joining them!

35. Because my kid is 3 years old now, and I'm not planning on having any more. All feeble reasons for being overweight related to being a mom and having a baby are long gone. LONG gone!

34. Because each decade of life is a lot harder to lose weight in than the previous. I can't afford to let the rest of my thirties go by without taking advantage of that. It only gets harder.

33. Because it sucked to feel like a cow in a bathing suit all summer at the beach and pool. I'd love to enjoy myself more this year.

32. Because I have a great support network, just waiting to encourage me!

31. Because eating healthy foods is probably better for the environment on a lot of levels.

30. Because it's hard to take good family pictures when we're both unhappy with how we look. Adam will not be sure he even had parents at this age because the pictures are mostly only ever of him and other relatives/friends!

29. Because I don't have a lot of clothes I can even look decent in right now, and we can't afford to have me buy new fat clothes.

28. Because I have a lot of things coming up this year that I would enjoy a lot more if I looked and felt healthier.

27. Because if I go out with a bunch of girlfriends now, I'm usually the "fat" friend.

26. Because we're spending the money for a gym to further out workout opportunities.

25. Because eating oversized portions and extra junk food all the time is expensive!

24. Because being preoccupied with my weight is distracting.

23. Because I'd like to continue learning other active sports such as golf, and it seems like my big self is in the way when I try to swing properly.

22. Because I'm lucky enough to have a great life, and it would be stupid to waste it feeling gross and miserable.

21. Because good habits and major life changes take 21 DAYS to stick. That seems like a long time, so might as well get going. 21 days from today puts me at January 21. Since time flies most of the time anyway, can't I just suck it up and be good for that long?

20. Because I'm less than a year away from my 20th High School reunion. It is in October!!!Thanks to Facebook, I'm actually getting back in touch with a lot of these people, and it would be a royal suck to be heavy and uncomfortable for something like that. I am too shy not to look and feel great!

19. Because I will be a better wife/mother/daughter/friend if I am happier, healthier, more energetic, and as a result have my life in order and my head on straight.

18. Because I can hear Jillian's voice in my head if I try hard enough. How can I fail?

17. Because I'm lucky enough to have a fantastic figure under all the layers. I've got great legs, a generous rack, a good butt, pretty eyes, and nice overall proportions, just waiting to be uncovered. Not everybody does who is healthy and in good shape, and I shouldn't waste the gift/opportunity!

16. Because I always find inspiration in the success of others, but wouldn't it be great to actually use that inspiration to succeed, and go on to motivate someone else?

15. Because it stokes my ego to be noticed. :)

14. Because jogging is cheaper than therapy!

13. Because I am in a vicious cycle of staying up 'til midnight avoiding all the things I don't feel like doing, and then being tired all the time.

12. Because I will sleep better and wake up feeling refreshed. When my body is tired from exercise, I sleep great. When it is drained from being stressed and anxious, lethargic, and filled with unhealthy food, no sleep seems to be enough AND I avoid sleep to do slack things as an escape.

11. To be comfortable TURNING 40 in March 2011. I know, it's kind of a long way off, but for some reason I am already anticipating it. I can only do this gracefully if I feel I am looking and feeling awesome!

10. To be able to celebrate achievements in my life (and re-capture my youth?) when I turn 40 (see above) by decorating my body with a tattoo and/or a piercing. No chance I'm doing that unless I look fantastic!

9. To be able to take a trip to Vegas and have some fun dressing like I belong there. ;)

8. To be able to return to great physical challenges such as triathlons. I would like to do multiple races where I actually compete on some level rather than simply survive!

7. To live a more active life all around.

6. To be able to help motivate my sweetie, who is in the same boat as me. We are too nice to each other and end up being enablers.

5. To be better equipped to handle life's hurdles, physical and emotional, because there will always be more.

4. To have more energy to enjoy the time I have with my family and friends, while still being able to DO IT ALL. I want to be one of those people who CAN, that I am currently jealous of.

3. To set a good example, provide a healthy living environment, and foster good habits for my son to grow up with.

2. To live a long life and to be there for my son throughout his life.

1. Because I am worth it!! Say it again with me for yourself, too, I AM WORTH IT!

2009 is Going to be a Great Year!

It has only been 2009 for about 24 hours now, but I am already filled with a sense of optimism that this really is the year that I will succeed in changing my life. Being a better me starts today, and starts again every day from now on. I am blessed with a wonderfully happy life, but I feel 2008 was by far filled with more challenges than I was comfortable with. Happily, it appears that the toughest stuff is behind me for now.

For the last couple of weeks, I have been laying the groundwork for myself, mentally, to tackle the one thing that truly outwardly indicates as well as affects how my life is going, and governs my overall health in many ways. This year, I vow to take better care of myself and put myself first, if not always (impossible for a mom,) at least way more often. I am determined to no longer allow a significant amount of extra weight tax my self esteem, raise my cholesterol and blood pressure, and keep me feeling tired. I have begun to ease back into the things it will take to make this change, such as improved eating and increased exercise, and the diligent monitoring and documenting of both. I have thought through my strategies, evaluated my goals, prepared my home, and announced my intentions to those I will need to lean on to support me if I am wavering. I have stopped eating as a reaction to stress, at least for a few days now, and I hope to persevere with this long enough to break the fully ingrained habit it had become. I am also going to re-read and re-post (probably with some slight revision) my reasons for and the importance of doing this, so I won't lose sight of the importance of myself, my life, and my health and happiness. I can do this!!