Thursday, June 25, 2009

Perfectionism Sucks

Thursday I'm leaving work early to go to the beach to rejoin my pumpkin, who has been there with various family without me or his daddy while his school was on break. I can not wait to get there and hug him, I have missed him dearly.

I've learned a couple of things about myself this week while he's been away. One- separation anxiety from one's child can be managed. Which is a good and healthy thing. Leaving him was tough but I enjoyed the freedom immensely. Two- indulgence and rebellion from responsibility can feel as good as getting one's life in order would have. And three- I'm pretty imperfect, and I'm going to work harder at being ok with that. I know this, obviously, and everyone is imperfect in their own ways, but it's pretty hard for me to accept about myself most of the time. I always feel like everything will be just as it should be and I will be able to relax when... Always something. When the house is all cleaned up and organized to the Nth degree, when I get "caught up" in everything, be it the boy's scrapbook, or my business stuff, or personal paperwork/filing. But the reality is, no one ever catches up, because life is always moving on, recreating chores, using up time, and causing more messes and more items to be entered on the to do list. Time to get over the sensation of trying to catch up all the time and just do what needs doing the most while living in the moment. And feeling the burden of things needing to be ALL done and never achieving it is a negative stress that drains energy.

This translates to care for one's self, too. I'm always starting over on diet and fitness plans, and if I'm not quite there yet it's because I'm waiting for the right time. After this busy week, or after this social event, etc. Perfectionism is what kills the diet once I start, too, because I messed up a little so I'll just eat whatever I want or relax and "start" again at a better time. I think people who don't struggle with their weight and/or are successful at managing it just do the best they can most of the time. That's all I should be asking of myself.

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