Monday, November 15, 2010

Three Posts-

100 Days!

[If I knew enough about web stuff to do it I would insert a blood curdling scream from a Halloween CD here which would play loudly upon opening this post…]

I turn 40 in 100 days.  100 DAYS!!  I completely freaked out when it was 365 days away, and again when it was 300 days away, and yet…  Same situation, different excuses.  Same goals, shorter time available to work on them.  Same issues, same perfectly good solutions available.  Same lack of anything stopping me but myself.  Hmph…

The Catch 22-

Mind vs. Body.  Having time to one’s self to collect one’s thoughts and just “be”, vs. getting enough sleep to keep one’s body working better.  This is my continual dilemma.  I have some of my best thinking time either while running alone, or while up late after everyone else goes to bed.  Yet I am always tired and rarely get enough sleep, and tiredness makes me eat more junk.  The running thinking time is awesome, but it does not include the ability to record any of the thoughts I’m having, so sometimes my only writing time is late.  Hence when I go through periods of being even more tired I scarcely write (because I can’t use my work computer or time for blogging, either.)  Anyway, chances are that when you see me having written a particularly long or introspective post, it was put on there late at night, and I am probably struggling with being extra tired as a result!

Methodology Muddles and Fresh Notebooks

So, which way to go on reining in t he food control?  I’ve tried a bunch of methods, and they are all valid and can work great.  IF YOU DO THEM AND STICK WITH IT.  I am the only reason that the methods I have tried have failed.  Well, ok, trying to be less hard on myself, why they have not worked to get to me to my goals.  Weight Watchers, Sugar Addict’s Total Recovery, Biggest Loser, increasing protein, eliminating gluten and/or white flour/processed foods, plain ‘ole calorie counting and working out, all can do it, all have their merits.  All have in common reducing calories in some form of another, and in order to do so require documentation of intake.

Here’s where my weird perfectionism can get in the way:  I can’t stand writing down everything I’ve eaten/am about to eat on a bad, bingey sort of a day.  I hate to see it then, and I hate to see it glaring back at me later.  If I’m writing down what I eat, then it stands to follow that I’m eating better, eating less.  That always makes me stop writing if it isn’t true.  This also explains why, when packing up stuff to reduce the clutter in our place while it is on the market, I found a zillion little notebooks with about 5-6 pages written on them each.  And a gazillion more blank ones, each one waiting their turn for the inevitable “fresh start”.  Yikes!  How can I move past that?  How can I simply start writing, and continue to write, no matter what it is or how bad, so I can see it, face it, and fix it, even if it is only incrementally?  How can I re-energize myself after a bad eating day without getting that little bit of new notebook boost for a fresh start?  How can I admit so publicly to such neuroses without being told to get help, haha!  And let’s be clear, there is nothing wrong with getting or needing help, I’m just laughing at myself because so far, the main readers I have (that I am aware of, anyway) are people that know me.  Well, if you read this blog, you will reeeeally get to know me, like it or not!   ;)

No comments: