Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Today I Was Bitter.

Today I was bitter because I woke up a little tired, just like I do most days.  I was bitter because getting myself out of bed, showered, fixed up and dressed, plus getting the boy to get dressed and to do his stuff, plus getting portable breakfast ready for him, plus getting our crap gathered up and out of the house, without being hideously late, is never easy or simple.  Some mornings are tolerable, others are borderline nightmarish.  Most days I arrive to work a little bit late and fairly flustered and/or already fatigued.  Today it made me bitter.

Today I was bitter because I can't keep up with it all.  Short of having a stay-at-home husband or being able to do so myself, it is also a feat of near impossibility to keep up with running a household with a kid in it.  I use most of my weekday lunches to cram in errands, and I'm certainly have been known to make personal calls and pay bills during work hours.  I could desperately use the help of a personal assistant some days.  But considering we never quite have enough for everything we want, we don't get our cleaning lady as often as we need, and we almost need a new car, extra services are not in the picture.  Realizing that made me bitter.

Today I was bitter because I have worked at the same job with only some minor gaps since 1999.  I have been full time in my current post for a little under 3 years, and I still only  am accruing leave at the rate of a rookie, because I had to start over.  With all the activities and needs that come with a young kid, that is absurd.  I rarely take more than long weekends for a vacation, and I can't even take them as often or make them as long as I'd care to, as would seem perfectly reasonable.  This makes me bitter on a regular basis.

Today I was bitter because a larger than normal percentage of people I had to talk to were stupid and annoying.

Today I was bitter because I cope with such bitterness by eating bad stuff, which makes me look and feel terrible. I was bitter because I know that although I can not make some of those issues go away, I could handle them a lot better of I had more energy and wasn't uncomfortable in the body I have taken such poor care of.  This results in a very bitter cycle.

Today I was bitter mostly about a bunch of stupid, irrelevant stuff that is just par for the working mother course, but some times I deal better with it than others.  And sometimes, when you're bitter, it just feels good to bitch about it.

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