Thursday, March 12, 2009

How Can Hormones be So Cruel? (And so Fickle?)

So, here I am, wanting so desperately to lose this weight so my happy life can be so much the more enjoyable with better health, better looks, more energy, better a lot of things, and yet... Sometimes, at this pre-period part of the month, I COULD CARE LESS. Like now, like the last few days. How can I want something so badly and not give a rip about it simultaneously? How is that even possible? Granted, I've been sick this week, too, which makes the urge to want to be sedentary and eat every comforting and yummy thing I can lay a hand on all the worse, but it really is unfair. And no, I'm not trying to feel sorry for myself, per se, but I am feeling defeated at the moment. It's not even that I'm using the excuse that I feel it is out of my control, rather it's like my emotions truly change. Sure, I'm tired of feeling so sluggish all the time, knowing that essentially I'm lugging around 1.5 of my kid in my everyday activities, sure I am almost to the point of tears some mornings trying to put together a flattering outfit, when 80% of the clothes in my closet don't fit and most of the ones that do don't quite hide the not-as-subtle as they used to be muffin-top rolls around my middle, and sure, I have legitimate health issues to be concerned about that might be magically cured or at least dramatically improved if I changed my ways, but... Even in the face of all that positive benefit, having highly desirable concrete goals, and most of the time a seemingly strong interest in succeeding, hormones or whatever still make me feel for several days at a time that I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT care. That sucks, and it makes me mad. Mad enough to fight it and get over it? Unfortunately, I'm not sure yet.

Later update: I wrote this post in the morning. By 6:00 pm I felt totally different and like I was back in control of my true interest in fixing things. Dangit!

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