And I'm still not entirely confident that I can figure out a way to sustain it. I need to believe I can do it. I FREQUENTLY have flashes of my killer results and I am also constantly thinking of my good reasons for having these goals and how AMAZING it will feel to be so dramatically much healthier and look that good, but then after a couple of hours of living, it's easy to get distracted by life and not always think that way every second. I want so much to move it to the next level and count my food points, so I can continue dropping the weight and increase the speed and success of it, but I've started and not finished counting the day about 4-5 times in the last week. None of the days were awful, I just petered out and ate "normally" instead of figuring it out. Despite having lost the first 5 pounds that way, it's not likely to go much further without dedicated action. Plus, I'm hoping to get into a more aggressive workout schedule, but I'm constantly allowing myself to be derailed. For 2 or 3 weeks I was sick, now that I'm not I fit it in yesterday on the weekend, but the weekdays seem sooo daunting and filled with zillions of other things I need to take care of, in addition to myself. Including other parts of taking care of myself like getting my allergy shot. Now that I'm writing this it sounds like an excuse, and I really don't have any that are worthy of merit. Sickness, gone, excuses, long since out the window.
I did fall prey last night to one definite contributor to the sensation of not feeling like I'm in enough control of my life or being able to "fit it all in", and that is staying up reeeeally late. The two time suckers that can cause this are computer time (particularly Facebook and email in general) and TV. Last night TV was the vice of choice. I can't imagine banning myself from TV entirely, but I have told myself before I need to cut back, and I need to try that again. My "goals" for the weekday evenings are to mostly enjoy the company of my little pumpkin and my sweetie and only deal with dinner and superficial stuff like tidying up while the boy is awake. This should include having him help tidy up the toys before we go upstairs. Then after we enjoy our family time and he's in bed it's supposed to be about 1 hour of "getting it done", be that working out some days, wedding business or scrapbook catch up the other days. SO ideal but this rarely happens. Unless I have a deadline and then I'm up 'til 1:30 printing and addressing invitations. And then I'd like to be ready and in bed by 10:30, to read a little and fall asleep either after a few minutes or no later than 11. This sounds so achievable when I see it in print! It does require starting his bedtime early enough, which works out fine when we do it, and not feeling like I hit the wall with tiredness after putting him down and sinking into the couch for the remainder of the evening. I need this, so much! If I could just do that, then it might become possible to workout in the mornings. Right now my mornings consist of waking up realizing I've hit snooze 6,000 times, scrambling to find stuff for me and the kid to wear (which could easily be set out the night before), scrambling to get ready with too little time, looking for all of the stuff I/we need for the day (also fixable the night before), wondering what I can do for lunch (AGAIN with the night before), and then usually being a few minutes late. I don't enjoy living like that, and it's simply not necessary. Being all prepared would make me feel so much more Zen, for lack of a better word, and I swear it would change a lot about my energy level and sensations of being overwhelmed a lot of the time.
I am out to convince myself that I can do it. One, I WILL write my points for one whole day and see what happens! Two, I will over the course of this week begin to implement my evening plans. Three, I will work out at least one time this week in addition to my pole class, it doesn't matter when. Weekend-only fitness isn't going to cut it. Go, me, you can do it!