Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Now, to talk about me...

Ok, so I've been absent from this blog for a bit, my loyal self-therapist that it is, and I'm definitely noticing the effects. Apparently unloading on here really helps take some of the jumble out of the ole' upstairs for me, and I am in need of it more often than I indulge. The personal life of a mom is often pushed to the back of the priority list of her own accord, and although I know I shouldn't let that happen I can't help it.

I have had so many things to talk about in the last month that, stepping back, I'd say I've pretty much been riding a roller coaster. And I have no view of the end of the ride, either, which is a pain the ass. I suspect that this continued chaos of good and bad, stress and relief happening in my life accounts for the poor care I continue to offer myself.

The weekend after my last post was Columbus Day weekend, and it was a huge winner. Unbelievably gorgeous weather, and I spent the weekend at the beach house with my dear husband and sweet boy, plus my favorite aunt and uncle. Three days at the beach in a temperate early fall and a Wine Festival. Yes, it was heaven! I took one long run (in which I achieved my recent best of running 1.4 miles straight, and then walking 2 miles back,) and my head was filled with joy and peace. There was a fantastic breeze but it was warm, the monarch butterflies were migrating (I counted 125 on one-way of the boardwalk), and my heart was singing. This was in sharp contrast to the angst of not knowing about my job yet before leaving.

Follow that up with hectic but EXTREMELY FUN planning, decorating, and execution of dual (not dueling, hardy har) Halloween Parties! I could not have been more pleased with the outcomes of those- good turnout, kids happy, good turnout again, adults having fun, interesting conversation, loved it. THEN came the happy but pressure filled week finalizing the plans for and executing Kristie and Dave's wedding. Now,this marvelous, beautiful, touching wedding and easygoing elegant reception were a MARVEL of things going almost exactly as planned. Could it be that my own awesome self was responsible for that in some small or large part? Because, let me tell you, it is highly improbable for a wedding and reception to go THAT well. Funny thing was, though, that during dinner, while I was relaxing for a second and realizing the hardest parts were done, I had a nasty wave of anxiety wash over/out of me and make me feel quite nautious and weak for a bit. But I got over it. I'm such a pansy!

Weaving in to that week was further stressful delay in finding out about my job ststus, with the added information that my current boss was denied hiring a tech person that HE needs, so he suspects I will get hosed also, but they haven't told me. He did authorize a band aid if I need it of going up to 20 hours from 15. Which I WILL absolutely do as soon as I know if the full time spot is a no. I also had a few moments of pressure squeeze me while I was encouraged by my sweet and forward thinking hubby to apply for an outside Planning job that I am not qualified for on a longshot. But I DO plan to start applying for other stuff, if there is any. Ug, it's just not a fun process...

Another underlying stressor of the last several months was actually resolved yesterday, though, which was the BOMB. Adam's teachers are seeing the same improvement in communication that we are, and they not only said they do NOT think he needs speech therapy, but further they finally see how smart he is and think he's very advanced. We've always thought so, but I don't fully trust my own bias. The enormity of that joy and relief was indescribable!!!

Tonight I'm going to stay up all night and watch the fate of our country unfold historically, and I am spending the next THREE WEEKENDS in a row at the beach house. Can't go wrong there, hopefully it will drown out the negativity between now and my FAVORITE day of the year, Thanksgiving!! (The beach weekend I am most looking forward to is this coming weekend, which will be a couple's weekend with good friends and no kids!)

So, screw the county, I'm not even asking about that job anymore, it's embarassing to be a broken record with a matching response each week. "Any word yet?" "We hope to hear something this week..." Then the inevitable silence. Repeat next week. They are just going to have to suck it up and come tell me the verdict in their own time. Meantime I am hoping to gather the energy and focus to drum up more wedding business and seek out alternate full time employment.

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