So. I finally have a full-time job lined up. Within my same county agency, but not within my same division. Translation: people I know less well, work I know less about, but still beneficial to my career long-term, and most importantly a full size paycheck and my foot gets more fully wedged through the budget-closing door. I will still be in a perilous position, because as the most recent hire I will be one of the first if not THE first person to go if they get down to cutting actual people, but that puts me on the third page of things that might happen, versus my current third item on the first page. Definitely an improvement in the long run, and a great financial relief in the short run. Phew!!
Now, what DOES mean, however, is the end to an era in my life, which I am sad to see go, but that I am resigned to and prepared for. Being a stay-at-home mother first full time and then part time for the last 3+ years has been, by far, the most rewarding, life-altering, important, and wonderful job I have ever had. The most difficult too, at times, for sure, but exceedingly worth it. I could dwell on the loss of time with my sweet boy that is to come, and it will be difficult to "fit it all in" without feeling I am missing his life or being too overwhelmed, but I don't plan to let negativity rear its ugly head and make things any tougher. We never thought we could afford for me to stay at home with him at all, so since we were right, I'm grateful for the time I did get, especially since it was at such financial sacrifice, and for the fact that it was ME who got the opportunity to lay the foundation for who he is. I will always cherish that. Plus, it was the home mommy life that helped me adapt better to the foreign concept of being a mommy in the first place, and offered both he and I the opportunity to meet some amazing friends who are important enough to us to work to keep through the schedule adjustment (and they have agreed that they feel the same way, which is a relief!)
So, with pending change in the air, and a huge weight of relief for the financial doom that has been at least for now, averted, I have turned my focus to getting my act together. And, for whatever reason, it is working. After I shook off an ass-kicking cold that ruined a fun getaway weekend with a friend, I have gotten to work. The house is steadily getting clean, dinners have been planned and executed, and domestic order has begun to creep in. Thank God, because it seems sometimes that chaos has been in the mix since the day we found out we were going to have our sweet boy just about four years ago! The biggest happy surprise, second only to an understanding and recently more helpful sweetie: I am NOT adept in the kitchen, and after organizing my recipe book back into a book from the mountain it had become, I tried a new recipe. One that required a little bit of clue, plus I changed it a little, plus I added a side dish that I dreamed up myself. The result? We were both in shock and awe at the yum factor of my performance. Definitely a confidence booster!